Not My Chaldea
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Help humanity she said, learn what it means to care about others besides yourself, she said. What better way to do that than by fighting alongside the very Heroes who so defined them? Not sure if this is what she meant, but I can't think of a better way to fulfill her wish. Not like I have anything left to lose. After all...its Not My Chaldea. Narutoxharem. Madness ahoy!
1. Summon

**A/N: Well! We all knew this was coming, eventually...**

 **THE TIME HAS COME!**

 **ONTO FATE GRAND ORDER!**

 **I had to PAINSTAKINGLY research this, considering my current phone doesn't allow me to play Fate Grand Order-'tis merely a flip phone-which means I've had to rely on the wiki and youtube just to get any sort of info here...**

 **As ever, reviews feed my engine of creation. No matter how small or simple, even "good job" or something along those lines does wonders to lift my spirit. Inspiring ones really spur me to update faster, too~! After all, I don't get paid to do this-I might have to set up a p-a-t-r-e-on soon to help cover living expenses-and reviews help spur my creativity ever onward. AMB, that is to say "A Most Unlikely Berserker" is a prime example of this, and one of my fastest growing fics thanks to the wild feedback.**

 **Oh, and before I forget!**

 **Fragments of Chaldea by GhostXavier was a MASSIVE inspiration for this story.**

 **In that regard, this one is going to be more story driven than most.**

 **Don't worry, I may well write a serious version of this. Also!**

 ***Inhales deeply***

 **FUCK LEV.**

 **Lev Lainur Flauros if you want to be correct about it, but regardless, he's going to get what's coming to him. IN A BAD WAY. To address that, this chapter takes place juuuuuust before all hell breaks loose in Chaldea. Trust me, it explains itself. Minor AU here and there, but for now I'm trying to stick with the facts wherever I can. For example, Olga not knowing about Lev's true goals or Solomon.**

 **But for now, I proudly present...**

 **...Not My Chaldea!**

 **Onward~!**

 _"I ask of you, are you my Master? Ha! Always wanted to say that!"_

 _...what are you? Spirits, what have I unleashed...?"_

 _"Madness and mirth, my dear!"_

 _~?_

 **Summon**

 _Its here, its here, its here!_

 _Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for this?! Do you?! You do not! I've spent AGES waiting for this! There's so many people I wanted to meet but couldn't all because I had to restrain myself! So much havoc to wreak, yet I had to hold myself back! Not anymore! Friends! Family! Waifu! Chaos! Pranks! Catastrophe! Heroes who can actually KILL me! For honor!_ _For glory!_ _For the Gacha!_

 _Alright, alright, breaaaaaathe._

 _Just breathe, Naruto._

 _In..._

 _...ouuuuuuuuut._

 _Long story short, this is me fulfilling a promise to an old friend._

 _Help humanity she said, learn what it means to care about others, she said._

 _What better way to do that than by fighting alongside the very Heroes who defined them?_

 _...I'm pretty sure this isn't what she intended at the time, but I can't think of a better way to fulfill her wish._

 _Fate Grand Order._

 _A realm that shouldn't be possible._

 _An organization dedicated to saving humanity, only to find themselves constantly beset by enemies._

 _Why play the game when you can simply dive right in and be a part of it? What? God, remember?_

 _If I want to invade another universe while all my other selves dally about in theirs, I can bloody well do it! I'm tempted to skip right to the meat of the matter but no, no, gotta control myself. I'm sure they can handle themselves just fine without me; you could even say I'm being selfish. There's no reason for me to barge into a world that's fated for destruction. Saving lives is just a way of sounding noble. Whether they rescue themselves or not should be up to them, right? A wandering deity-a god-has no right interfering with matters of mankind._ _Yet even so...there are some things I just can't stand, ya know?_

 _So I won't BE a deity._

 _Did I stutter?_

 _Nope._

 _I'll throw it all away and lend a hand._

 _And maybe at the end of it all I'll understand._

 _For my last divine act, I think I'll enact a little miracle..._

* * *

 **(...0o0o0...)**

* * *

Olga Marie Animusphere was...giddy.

 _Did she dare?_

Nay, to say she was excited didn't even begin to cover it; her heart raced like the drums of a great hunt out for blood. With each passing moment she felt it hammer against her breast, threatening to beat clear out of her chest if she didn't do something to calm herself.

 _Did she dare summon a Servant?_

Only a handful of mages possessed the potential to be a Master, a potential she had long since been denied by fate. She'd even comes to terms with it, albeit begrudgingly. Though she was of the Animusphere line and indeed a decent magus, she simply did not possess that potential. No amount of training or complaining would ever change that. Thus, she must move on. That had been an age ago. Indeed, Olga had all but dismissed it from her mind. An old wound long since scarred. Something she would always carry with her until the end of her days.

Her past didn't matter, not when the future of humanity lay at stake.

And yet...

 _Yet_ she'd woken this morning to find those very Command Spells etched into the back of her hand. In spite of all she'd seen, of all she'd been told, the universe had seen fit to grant her that which she lacked. Scrawled in the telltale shape of a red ringed sun, they seemed to writhe and pulse with life whenever she looked at them...which had been a considerable amount of time thus far even before the last summoning attempt. Which in turn had caused its own share of chaos. Could one blame her? To be deprived of that one aspect of her life that she sought more than anything else and suddenly _handed it on a silver platter..._ it was almost too good to be true.

This was her chance to prove herself once and for all.

Not merely to command a heroic spirit from ages past, but to become a true magus. To be acknowledged. Not just as the head of the Chaldea Organization, not someone who'd gained their post solely through her father's death. To be someone. Perhaps at the end of it all, when all was said and done, a better person.

Those thoughts stayed with her as the machine spiraled up around her.

 _'This will work. It has to work.'_

Saint quartz aside, there was a chance the summoning might simply blow up in her face; as it had last time, and the time before that. Once upon a time she viewed the ritual with awe. Countless failures had dulled that childlike glee to little more than dull indifference. Now as she watched those blue orbs spark to life once more, as she saw they arc wildly in a shared circle, Olga experienced a trickle of that old curiosity once more. She felt...something, though she knew not how to describe it. A tickling sensation at the edge of her thoughts, a needle jabbing at her consciousness. A low thrumming noise began to build in her ears-hopefully a good sign-pulsing with each passing moment.

Through the marvel of Chaldea's technology, it was possible to summon a Servant.

 _Theoretically._

The FATE system itself was wildly unstable, Doctor Roman had seen fit to remind her of that only hours before. Try as they might, they simply couldn't find a way to stabilize it. Moreover, the odds of a successful summon were absolutely abysmal. She knew his. After all, Da Vinci herself had been a one-in-a-thousand chance; an even that hadn't been replicated since. Even if they were lucky enough to summon someone they'd require a reliable source of prana, made all the more unstable by the system's lack of stability. Still, something drove Olga onward. Despite the looks she received, she'd demanded they proceed with the experiment. Let them scoff, let Lev laugh at her and think her a foolish girl.

She felt...compelled.

Yes, that was the right word.

Some strange eldritch force was spurring her forward, though she knew not what. Luck? Destiny? Who knew? All the while the light before her continued to build, the noise in the back of her mind building to a crescendo. Someone was shouting something at her but she scarcely heard them. Too close? Impossible. The ritual had never backfired before. What possible danger could she be in. After all, a Servant wasn't a familiar as most thought, but a person. In theory they were little more than a copy of the original stored within the Throne, though they still retained the latter's mind and thoughts. She might fear them, but in the same vein, she respected them. Now if only she could summon-

 _Her world erupted._

A blinding swell of white light ripped Olga from her feet without warning and threw her across the chamber like a broken doll. Unable to compensate in time, her head struck something hard, sending her vision spinning in a kaleidoscope of jilted colors. Ears ringing, she struggled to make sense of it all. Smoke swelled in her lungs when she breathed, forcing a series of harsh, racking coughs. Had the summoning succeeded? If so why was she on the ground? Nothing made sense; indeed, she found herself gripped by the sudden, terrible fear that she might actually be in very real danger.

Through her reeling gaze she heard muffled voices, but none came to her aid.

She soon saw why; that blast off heat had all but welded the door shut. Now wonder Doctor Roman and Lev had yet to enter the room. They simply couldn't. It was something of a miracle that she'd been unharmed by the blast at all.

Oh, dear.

Something shifted in her peripherals.

Reeling, she propped herself up and gazed into the smoke.

"What in the world...?"

"Well!"

A smooth voice issued forth, rubbing pleasantly against her ears:

When someone spoke into the misty silence, she nearly blasted their head off with a Gandr.

"Oho? So _this_ is what it feels like to be a Servant...not bad! Not bad at all! And here I thought I'd be weaker...

Crisp footfalls echoed into the chamber and quite suddenly, the Animusphere heiress found herself face to face with the impossible.

Blue eyes framed by a tan face and whiskered cheeks. A dented headband clung on amidst golden spiky hair to bear the battered likeness of a leaf, worn and faded from years of use. He was young, nearly her own age and a head taller. Pearly white teeth flashed in a rogue grin, strong arms crossed before a lightly armored chest. His appearance proved just as outlandish; clad as he was in wild orange-red robes and scattered bits of light armor, the latter seeming to serve no purpose but to protect the strangest parts of his anatomy. Indeed, he looked as though he'd stepped straight from a battlefield to this very chamber.

Then there were the horns.

Jutting from that flaxen mane, a pair of curved, crimson spires stood tall and proud for all to see. Now that the smoke had begun to fade she realized he looked more demon than man. A high, wild light roamed free in his gaze as it swept the room, absorbing its surroundings with the air of one who could scarcely contain themselves.

What on earth was he?

"Yes!" their owner crowed, pumping a fist into the air, "Managed to pull it off! I actually kept most of my power this time around! Although, wait. Wait, wait, wait." and here did that whiskered face narrow in confusion, "What class was I summoned as? Saber? No, no, never touched a sword in my life. Same ought to apply to Lancer. Don't see Rin around, so I can't be Caster. That shit with the _other_ me's still going on back in Fuyuki and I'm still an adult...I don't _feel_ like a Berserker either, so that leaves...Assassin? Rider? Or Alter Ego? Gotta be. Sweet!"

Olga blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Excuse me?" she sputtered eloquently. "Who are you?"

Drawn by her sudden inquiry, the young man turned to face her.

For a moment, a sliver of a second, Animusphere glimpsed the very depths of hell.

"Ah!" Then those blue eyes lit with recognition, somehow setting her at ease. "You're the one who summoned me?"

Control.

She needed to maintain control; not only of herself, but the situation. A soft, disbelieving giggle leaped from her lips before she could stop herself. She'd done it. She'd actually done it! There would be time enough for celebration later. This was a _Servant_ standing before her, and any perceived sign of weakness could backfire horribly. Granted, she'd never heard of a Servant turning on their master before, much less seen it firsthand, but she was a magus and all magi were at least a touch paranoid in that regard. Thus, Olga straightened her back, thrust out her chest, and planted both hands on her hips.

Really, she thought it quite an intimidating pose. Downright fearsome, even.

"O-Of course I did! Do you see anyone else here?!"

Those azure orbs twinkled back at her merrily.

"Well, this _is_ Chaldea so you never know-

Olga absolutely hissed at him.

 _"I beg your pardon?!"_

Ignoring her, the Servant turned.

"Well, I may have butted into the ritual this time around, but it seems you've still received the Command Seals...for whatever their worth. Well done! You deserve a reward! Good girl!" with a sharp pop of sound, the Servant stood before her. Before she could think to react he brought both his hands down on her shoulders to gave her a hearty one-two pat on the back. Then, as she reeled, he waltzed past her. The sudden movement-indeed his proximity-caused the leader of Chaldea to shrink back, not out of fear, but surprise. Fast. Whatever class this Alter Ego was, he clearly possessed bountiful speed. She hadn't even seen him move!

 _'Why you...!'_

Moreover, he was patronizing her!

"Where are you going?!"

 _"Ha?"_

The Servant paused and performed a half turn, a lone crimson eye regarding her over his shoulder. Olga froze. Every fiber of her being locked up, her feet finding themselves rooted where they stood. There it was again, that innate sense of pressure bearing down on her shoulders, as though she'd inadvertently drawn the attention of a being far greater than herself. A spark of annoyance flitted across the man's whiskered face, his mouth set in a thin, angry line. At length, something clicked and his expression softened.

"Oh, right." he blinked. "Sorry. I'm new to this whole fidelity thing. Where are my manners? Let's try this again."

With a sharp flourish, the Servant returned to her side and bent a knee before her.

To her great disbelief-and secret delight-he claimed her marked hand.

Then he actually laid his _l-l-l-lips_ against it!

Her face turned incandescent.

 _"Hweh?!"_

"Servant, Uzumaki Naruto, at your service!" the young man declared stoically, raising his steadfast gaze to meet hers. "I specialize in close combat, pranks, and raising all sorts of hell. I ask of you, are you my Master? _Ha!"_ He snickered then, a small crazed grin plucking at his whiskered cheeks. "Always wanted to say that!"

"I...yes!" Olga managed to choke the words out around her suddenly thick tongue. "I am!"

"Good." Apparently satisfied with her answer, the now-named Naruto stood. "What are your orders? Who is the enemy? Where would you have me go?" There was a hint of expectant excitement lurking at the end there, almost as if he thought she would send him straight into the fray. It was...a little intoxicating if she were entirely honest with herself.

"Well?"

Olga actually blinked at that.

 _'Never thought I'd actually get this far.'_

W-Well! As long as he understood the pecking order!

Now that she'd actually succeeded in her goal, she found herself at something of a loss. Rayshift experiments were still being conducted in preparation for any threat to humanity's continued existence of course, but as of yet there simply wasn't a target to direct him at. In time, perhaps there would be, but as of now her mind flailed for answers and found none.

Despite her best efforts, she fidgeted beneath that stern gaze.

"W-Well! I don't really have anything for you to do at the moment...

A blond brow rose. "Is that so? Then you won't mind if I take my leave, then."

She'd very much mind that, actually! As if she'd let her crowning achievement out of her sight!

Right, she'd see his stats for herself and then...

 _Prana._

When Olga turned her mystic eyes upon him she nearly vomited outright.

Energy rolled off his shoulders like a great tide, an endless ocean that threatened to swallow her whole if she gazed overlong at it. Too much. It bled into the air around them, wound its way into the charred floor at their feet, tickled the very breath in her lungs. Her mind revolted violently at the sight and began bleating like a frightened animal; she thought herself a decent magus; compared to the Servant before her she might as well be an ant. No, less than an ant, the lowliest grain of dirt, so insignificant as to beneath his notice. She'd seen _entire Magus families_ in the Clocktower with less prana than this! Even the Queen herself would have been hard-pressed to match this output!

All the while, her mind rejected the very concept of Naruto's existence.

 _'Oh, god. What is he what is he whatishewhatishewhatisHE?!'_

By rights he should be weak and exhausted, or in power-saving mode at the very least; as Da Vinci had been since the time of her summoning. Clearly, this was not the case. Somehow Naruto was not only sustaining himself, but thriving. Were his reserves truly that large? If it weren't for the slightest tug on her own circuits she would've doubted him to be her Servant at all. No, it was more than that, a deep seated fear that she'd called someone-something!-that shouldn't exist in this world. How on earth had she managed to pull him here? As if to mock that very thought, Naruto smiled and offered her his hand.

"Looking forward to working with you."

Olga eyed that clawed palm with trepidation.

Why did she have the _worst_ feeling about all this?

She hadn't just summoned a Servant, but an absolute monster.

Only then did the magus realize just what she'd brought into this world.

...who are you?" she murmured, aghast at herself. "Spirits, what have I unleashed...?"

That crazed grin of his grew incrementally. Twin hands settled over her own, cradling her palms within.

By comparison, Naruto's response was wholly unexpected; indeed, it would set the tone of Chaldea for years to come:

 _"Madness and mirth, my dear!"_

 **A/N: Dear god Naruto got summoned into Chaldea.**

 **Moreover, he manipulated OLGA of all people into summoning him.**

 **Worry not, she'll lose that haughty attitude _real_ quick now that he's arrived.**

 **Never did like the way she got shafted in Grand Order, so I killed two birds with one stone there.**

 **Of course I won't ignore the protagonist. Thought I forgot about her, did you?! WRONG! She'll appear soon enough.**

 **Now, for clarifications!**

 **Yes, its the "Not Going Home" iteration of Naruto but without a good deal of his divine prowess. He threw it away to become a Servant and willingly bound himself to Olga. Of course he can choose to regain his powers at any time, but where's the fun in that? He's literally said he wants to try "living" and "struggling" for awhile...**

 **...so using cheats would be pointless.**

 **At the end of the day, Alter Ego was the only class he could fall into in this story. He can't be a Saber unless you count a certain video game. Conversely, I don't recall him ever using a spear in his life, so nope, not a Lancer. Rider could certainly work, but I'm saving that for...well, a rainy day to say the least. It'll be once I've wrapped up my other Fate stories. Assassin COULD be done, but has Naruto been known to deliberately kill others? That's not really his modus operandi. I bloody wasn't going to give him Saver at that. Moon Cancer didn't feel right and I've USED most of the other iterations:**

 **Not my Grail= Master Naruto.**

 **A Ninja's War= Caster Naruto.**

 **Not My Chaldea= Alter Ego Naruto.**

 **A Most Unlikely Berserker= Berserker Naruto.**

 **A King's Whim= Summoning/Install/Include Naruto.**

 **There we have it. Look forward to the chaos and hijinks ahead, folks!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previews!**

 **(Previews)**

 _"Oh, Alter..._

 _Saber bristled._

 _"Just how durable are you?"_

 _A lone hand crooked towards her, beckoning._

* * *

 _"We all make mistakes, Master. What matters is that we learn from them. I think you've learned."_

 _Olga sniffled and furiously scrubbed at her eyes with the back of hand._

 _...you can be incredibly sappy sometimes, you know that?"_

 _Pearly white teeth flashed in a rueful smile._

 _"Yup. Now let's gut the bastard."_

* * *

 _...hello, Senpai."_

 _"Well! Aren't you just adorable!"_

* * *

 _"Hi, Lev."_

 _"You filthy familiar-_

 _"Aaaaaaaaaand bye Lev."_

* * *

 _"If I were at my peak, I could snap my fingers and end all of this. But, even if I was, I wouldn't."_

 _"Why?!"_

 _"Simple. I want the enemy to suffer."_

* * *

 _"Pssh! Who says a Servant can't summon a Servant! 'Sides, the kid's fine with it!"_

 _Ritsuka flung up a hand to ward off their glares._

 _"Oh, no you don't! Leave me out of this!"_

* * *

 ** _"ARRRRRRRRRTHUUUUUUUUR!"_**

 _"Bad Lancelot! Bad! DOWN!"_

* * *

 _"One more outburst out of you and I'll revoke your ramen rights!"_

 _"You wouldn't dare!"_

 _Her Command Spells pulsed dangerously._

 _"By the power of-_

 _"Ack!"_

 ** _R &R~!_**


	2. Knives and Shadows

**A/N: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!**

 **Well, if you celebrate it, I mean...**

 **If not, then...hmm. Happy winter, I guess?**

 **I'll say it right now, get ready for all sorts of chaos.**

 **Think of this as a feast not for the body, but for the mind and soul.**

 **Hope you like more than TWELVE THOUSAND WORDS because I'm bloody exhausted after cooking this up.**

 **...I do not regret those Thanksgiving puns. Nope. Not at all.**

 **Hopefully this'll get some views and positive feedback, even with the holidays fast approaching and most of us being away...**

 **Its meant to be silly, to not be taken quite as seriously as one would expect. Not quite crack fics, not quite serious. After all, such is the way of my "Not Going Home" series.** **Seriously, this story has the potential to rival AMB-A Most Unlikely Berserker-based on the sheer amount of follows and faves alone. The chapters are going to be long as well. Was genuinely not prepared for the length to get away from me like that! Before anyone asks, I plan to cover as many arcs as I can, while striving to give most-if not all-of the Servants time to shine...**

 **...or try to kill Naruto. Whichever comes first.**

 **This is gonna be fun~!**

 **...wow! Thanks! I did not expect that many reviews!**

 **Now onto the questions!**

 **I think these will do:**

 **Q: So can we expect Naruto to predict everything that comes his way?**

 **A: On the contrary, Naruto gets surprised here. Very much so.**

 **Q: Servants will remember past events, yes? I ask this because this is Fate Grand Order and other incarnations of Naruto have encountered them.**

 **A: Okay, I think I understood that. You're referring to my other NarutoxFate stories, right? Plainly put, yes and no. Its going to cause all sorts of chaos.**

 **Q: So what is this, a crack story?**

 **A: Somewhat, but not as much as the rest of the "Not Going Home" series as a whole. It has its silly moments of course, but those are balanced by story itself. Naruto isn't playing the long game here at all; he has a very specific set of goals in mind, and woe to ye if you get in his way.**

 **Q: Female protagonist?**

 **A: Yes.** **You think Olga's scary, we all know Gudako can be an outright demon when she wants to be...**

 **Q: Olga's got Naruto whipped, doesn't she?**

 **A: In a sense. He's loyal to her, but he's not going to let himself be bullied either. Conversely, she's fully prepared to call him on his bullshit, although her command seals are FAR from unlimited at the moment. At present she can only really force him to obey her three times. Not that our boy will turn on her or anything of course, he's not that cruel. If anything he finds her adorable...but her naive nature concerns him...**

 **Q: DA VINCI WHEN?! I can't wait to see how that perverted Caster will react to all this!**

 _ **A:**_ **Da Vinci when, you say?** _ **DA VINCI NOW!**_

 **Q: Sei un magnifico bastardo!** **Bravisimio!** **Oh _mi dio_ he's gonna summon Servants. HE'S GOING TO SUMMON ALL THE WAIFU! DUCK AND COVER! **

**A: Well, my Italian is a bit rusty after all these years, but I think I understood most of that. Thanks? Of course Naruto will summon the occasional servant or two. If Medea can do it he sure as hell can. Naturally, Gudako and Olga can summon their own fair share...**

 **...and black keys. LOTS OF BLACK KEYS.**

 **Q: Can Naruto PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASE help Chaldea kick the Crypters shit in?**

 **A: Well, we know little about them at the moment. Kadoc and Ophelia have gotten the most screent-ime so far...**

 **Q: Lev's in for it, huh?**

 **A: HE'S GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME. I'll say it now, he won't be killed in this chapter. No, no, no, his punishment must be more...severe. In a word? Discombobulate. Full credit to Sherlock Holmes for that. Don't know what I mean? Ohhhhhh, you'll see.**

 **As ever, I own nothing.**

 **Q: Naruto acts as if he's familiar with Fate Grand Order. How?**

 **A: Simple. The game. He may have forsaken divinity but he retailed has full knowledge of the events pertaining to the Grand Order series up to and including the most recent Lost Belt. His "goal" is rather similar to Nightingales in a sense; in that he wants to preserve as much life as humanly possible. But in the same vein, he's here to have fun. Well, fun and everything that comes with it. Also, Seeing as we now have a fair idea of what the Alien God is, that'll be a battle for the ages. But that conflict is far off...**

 **Q: Just...just how many girls are in this? Fate has a massive cast after all.**

 **A: The pairing is massive, yes. If I could list all the characters in it, I would, but the site only allows so many characters in the summary. Suffice it to say there will be plenty.**

 **On another note, someone compared me to Fairy Tail Dragon Slayer. Huh. Didn't expect that. They also said my works were declining. I believe the word "cringe" was used. I've civilly discussed the matter with them. Now, I'm not offended mind you, and I won't name them. Nor do I want them to be attacked. I'll say that now. I'm not angry from. Far from it.**

 **This is simply a forum of discussion.**

 **We're all entitled to our own opinions after all.**

 **Some people simply don't understand that the "Not Going Home" series cares not for cringe, madness, or hilarity. I don't think my stuff is cringe-worthy. Trust me, I've SEEN cringe and this ain't it. If anything I've improved IMMENSELY since I first started writing back the early 2000's, both as a person and a writer. Yes, this series contains more humorous tales these days rather than dark, edgy stuff. Why? Because these days the world is out of sorts and its my personal goal to bring a bit of light and laughter to it.**

 **If I can make even one person smile through my humble works, then I've done a good job.**

 **Now with that said, I do hope you'll stick around for the journey ahead.**

 **After all, this is going to be one hell of an adventure.**

 **Full of laughter, life, and of course, love~!**

 **But enough about that.**

 **Onto the story!**

 **Onward~!**

 _"Life is all about experience. You live, you laugh, you love. That's the way of the world!"_

 _"Be that as it may, you still haven't answered my question yet, Naruto."_

 _"Fair enough, Master. Why did I come here, you ask? Simple...!"_

 _"W-Wait a second! Too close! You're way to close!"_

 _"THIS IS THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME!"_

 _~?_

 **Knives and Shadows**

 _Dear journal,_

 _LET THE GAMES BEGIN!_

 _Well, it worked! For better or worse I managed to get myself summoned as a Servant. Managed to swipe this dusty old thing from some master candidate. Probably not important. In any case, I'm not exactly all powerful, but that was the whole point, wasn't it? I don't WANT to be overpowered. If I could end it all with a snap of my fingers I wouldn't learn anything. She wouldn't like that. I made a promise after all. Gotta keep it. That means keeping the divine feats to an absolute minimum, try to keep the peace, no gaming the gacha..._

 _...yeah, that last one ain't gonna happen._

 _So, lets check the list, shall we?_

 _Summoned to Chaldea?_

 _Check._

 _An adorable little Master?_

 _Check._

 _Plenty of Prana to sustain myself?_

 _Check!_

 _Eliminating the enemies of Chaldea with extreme prejudice?_

 _...working on it._

 _Hmm._

 _Upon closer inspection, I think I'm more a Foreigner than an Alter Ego. Maybe both?_

 _Now, while its terribly tempting to simply barge in on good 'ol Doctor Roman and blow the lid off his little secret sky...I think I'll abstain for now. After all, what's the point in quitting a quest when you haven't even started it!_ _Semantics, I suppose. No. I think I'll leave 'ol Solomon be for now. We don't need him yet. Likewise, I can't simply expose Lev without proof. He's too entrenched here; moreover he's in Olga's good graces so I can't kill him outright. Although...yeah, I can do **that.** Always been good at running interference. I'm sure I can convince a certain meddling Caster to help me out. Heaven knows that genius would jump at the chance._

 _Bastard won't know what hit him._

 _On another note, apparently Olga's strong enough to kick down sealed doors when she's pissed. Huh. Who knew? I'm actually a little proud of her. Seems I've got a terrifying little Master this time. Wait. Can people of this era **do** that? Holy, hell. She did it again. __How durable is she?!_ _H_ _ow durable am I?!_

 _Questions for later!_

 _Now, back to the list!_

 _First! Hit up Da Vinci for resources._

 _Second! Need to find a certain kouhai._

 _Third! Wait for our adorable Protagonist to show up._

 _Fourth! Ramen! No, wait. Shouldn't that be at the top of the list...?_

* * *

 **(...0o0o0...)**

* * *

 _Genius._

If one word could encompass the greatness of Leonardo Da Vinci, it would be thus. The greatest mind of their time, a peerless intellect without compare. Extraordinary input. Unbelievable output. A name sung throughout human history as brilliant, with no rival in this world of the next. The greatest mind of their time. It is said: _"Doctrines and fashion may change with the times, but there is merely one truth. Whatever happens, da Vinci is the unrivaled omnipotent one!"_ Yes, she, who prepared for all eventualities-

"I AM HERE!"

 _"Yeek!"_

She was most assuredly not prepared for a fellow Servant to barge into her room like a bull in a china shop! Least of all one spouting obscure references that she could scarcely comprehend! In a heartbeat her experiment found itself dashed; freshly procured materials flew from her hands to shatter upon the floor as a booted foot kicked down the door-an automatic door at that!-in a shower of sparks and twisted machinery. For all her dismay Caster still flinched when the sundered steel ricocheted across the room, helpless but to watch as it caromed wildly off the ceiling before finally embedding itself in the southernmost wall of her little alcove.

A beat of silence passed through the room, broken only by the faint fizzling of fumes wafting towards the ceiling, and her mood went up in smoke with them.

Twitching fingers sifted through the ruined remains.

"Hey now," she moaned, "This isn't funny."

Indeed, the corner of Da vinci's mouth twitched into an angry grimace as she looked upon her ruined works. Hours upon hours of slavish work-hellish maintenance!-all ruined in the blink of an eye. All that accumulated saint quartz, dashed like broken glass at her feet. No, no, no! This wouldn't do! All her time, wasted! For nothing! Who dared?! Where was he?! To their credit, the newcomer wasn't foolish enough to show their face...right away. No did their sudden foresight save them. If he was at all perturbed by her shouting the newcomer did little to show it.

Tilting her head, the Caster spied their shadow lurking outside her door.

"You have precisely three seconds to explain yourself, intruder-san."

The shadow jerked upright, perhaps in apology, perhaps in fear.

"Sorry," A rough voice issued forth, "I always wanted to do-

The moment _he_ appeared she pegged him with a flask.

 _Hard._

"Ow!" a satisfyingly strangled yelp greeted her ears as glass shattered against an exposed skull, sending the would-be intruder sprawling back into the hallway with a dull _thwack._ It did not, however, silence them. "Good lord that was one hell of a fastball! Are you really a Caster?! Seriously, I think you almost took my eye with that one!"

 _'I'll do more than that!'_

Wasting no time, Da Vinci bounded over the counter and stalked after them, uncaring for the mess she made as she trod the remnants of her experiments underfoot. Her poor, poor babies. They would be avenged! By comparison one might think it a silly thing, but for a being who prided herself on innovation and creation, there could be no greater sin. Alas-and much to her chagrin, the newcomer had already sprung back to his feet by the time she encountered him. Even she didn't pause to take in his appearance, consumed as she was by her own wrath.

An incantation leaped to her lips, her hand already rising-

"Wait, wait, wait!" Tan hands waved furiously. "I come in peace! No Noble Phantasms! You'll nuke half of Chaldea before the story starts!"

A thorn of curiosity pricked Caster and held her back.

The boiling prana in her hand lessened slightly.

...story?"

"Shit." the young man swore, rubbing at his bloodied face to mend his wounds. "Erm...could you pretend you didn't hear that?" Pearly white teeth flashed out at her in a rueful grin. "It'd put a bit of a kink in my plans if my adorable Master knew what I was up to."

Slowly-reluctantly!-Da Vinci lowered her gauntlet.

In that, she finally found herself able to take stock of her...guest.

Her senses hissed a warning as she finally caught wind of the Prana wafting off him.

Ah, not just a guest, then. A fellow Servant. How quaint. She'd almost given up hope of meeting another.

In terms of appearance this one appeared Asian, though that was where her curiosity only intensified. Blue eyes not unlike her own blazed back at her, framed by whiskered cheeks and shaggy blond hand. Steam rose from his face as dozens of tiny cuts slowly mended themselves. Regeneration, then? He bore no visible weapons on his personage-none that she could see at any rate-indeed, one might have mistaken him for Assassin at a glance. Clad in wild robes of orange and red-the latter-draped over an open blue hakama to expose a scarred yet muscular torso-he looked like something-someone-out of the feudal era. Rather, that would've been her opinion were it not for those wild blue eyes and the crimson horns jutting from his skull.

Horns?

Interesting.

Her eyes drifted lower.

Lower.

 _'Good lord you could grind meat on-_

No! None of that! Reparations were required!

Shaking her head, the great genius mustered all her considerable willpower and forced herself to meet his gaze. Nothing else. She wasn't staring. No. Not at all. Not even considering it. Now that she'd taken a moment to master herself she found she could view the situation objectively once more. Yes, it was...unfortunate that he'd ruined her experiment and she remained determined to tear strips out of his hide for it, but now avarice surged to the fore, and it would no longer be denied. She wanted to know. The five W's demanded it! Who was this strange Servant? What were his motives?

When did he hail from?

Where was his Master?

Why had he come here?

How had he come by such an overabundance of Prana?! Moreover, how could she access it?! The last one especially! If given leverage against a source like that she wouldn't have to worry about fading away anymore; no that would be the least of her worries! So many experiments! The possibilities were endless! With that kind of power it might even be possible to summon another Servant on his own! No, several! Perhaps even...

 _She needed to know!_

Inquisitiveness seized the reins of her mind and Da Vinci lunged forward, seizing him by his jacket. When he tried to retreat her forehead slammed against his, causing the blond jerked, startled by her sudden proximity as much as the stars in her eyes. Probably the stars, a small, abstract part of her mused. She knew herself to have a certain...look about her when she grew too excitable.

"Oi?!" he squawked!

"How the hell do you have that much prana?!" words tumbled out of her before she could hold them back, flowing forth in a river of demands. "I'm curious! I want to know! Who are you?! Tell me! Now! Right now!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Um...you're drooling, ya know." the blond pointed out sheepishly. "Might wanna clean that up."

"Ahem." Drawing back, the brunette coughed into a fist to annihilate the thin line of saliva that had been inexorably creeping down her chin, the peerless genius steadied herself and rapped her staff against the floor. "You must be the one Olga summoned this morning." Blue eyes flicked up and down, regarding him with more a hint of curiosity. "Hmm, yes. You match the description she gave." Bollocks, of course. She hadn't a clue what he looked like until this very moment, but he didn't need to know that.

Something was amiss here, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Until recently, the girl had been quite...vocal about her lack of qualifications. Then she'd seemingly gained it overnight with no explanation. That too raised its fair share of alarms. One didn't needn't be a genius to suspect this Servant. Had she the time or proper resources at her disposal, she would've preferred to investigate before any such summoning was attempted. As it stood, Olga simply hadn't given her the time. Which brought to mind another pressing inquiry...

"I thought she lacked the potential to be a master candidate."

Again that rueful grin flashed back at her.

"She did _...Da Vinci-san."_

Yikes.

That response just now threatened to knock her knees together. Hearing her true name flung back at her shouldn't have been surprising, but the steadfast charisma behind it startled her more than she'd like to admit. It was that smile of his; a humble, simple thing, yet it threatened to undo her if she let her guard down. Her own innate curiosity compelled her to fling questions at him, but she restrained herself with a stubborn pinch. How he'd been able to ascertain her identity _was_ concerning in and of itself, but another matter concerned her.

This one was dangerous.

"Have we met?" she frowned.

In response, the blond sketched a low bow.

"Uzumaki Naruto, at your service. Haven't figured out if I'm an Alter Ego or a Foreigner yet. Might be both? Huh." whiskered cheeks dimpled in a frown, and he titled his head. "What does that make me then? An Alter Foreigner? A Foreign Ego? Questions for later. In any case," Broad shoulders rolled in a halfhearted shrug, sending his robe flaring wildly. "As to why I'm here...well." An impish light gleamed burned bright in those light orbs. "That'd be telling. Let's just say I'm on the side of the human order and leave it at that."

Her expression didn't waver. "And you're here because...?"

"Because I needed the most brilliant woman in all of Chaldea." he riposted flawlessly. "Of course I sought _you_ out."

A slender brow rose in mild bemusement.

Well. At least he knew that much.

"Oho? Aren't you a flatterer?"

 _"I try."_

"Genius has nothing to do with the time period, I suppose." her pride mollified by the blond's not-baseless flattery, Da Vinci relented with a huff. "What did you need?"

That grin turned feral.

"Bit of a long list there, I'm afraid."

Aghast, the brunette was left with only one recourse.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" she groaned, flinging up her hands and ushering him inside. "Come in, come in! I can see this will take awhile...!"

Stepping aside to make way for her guest, Da Vinci reluctantly allowed him passage before trailing after him into her workshop. Well, what remained of it after his ungracious entry. The thought made her mouth twitch anew. By now it had become all to clear that she couldn't keep him out even if she wanted to. He'd already shredded her bounded fields as if they weren't even there.

Stupid magic resistance!

Still, this "Naruto" didn't seem to be lacking in the realm of physical strength. Brushing the mangled door aside the towering Servant turned to right an upturned table with his freed hand and propped the sundered steel against it. After a moment's consideration he gave the battered metal back a solid whack with a closed fist, hammering the dent out, shaping the metal as a master would their forge. Once. Twice. Thrice. Another smack and the door was finally restored to its former glory, a few scratches all that remained of its once deep wound.

"There." he straightened up, satisfied with his work. "Better. I'd fix the rest myself but technology and...aren't on speaking terms."

Despite herself, Da Vinci almost smiled at the sight.

"Were you a blacksmith in life, Uzumaki?"

"Ha!"

Gentle laughter answered her.

"If only!" the whiskered warrior chuckled hoarsely, brushing a stray shard of glass from his hair. "I'm no smith, just a tinkerer. And please, just Naruto will do. Using my clan name makes me feel old ya know? To answer your question, I was never any good with swords or armor in my first life. Back then I relied more on luck and my fists." Those keen eyes squinted in an easy smile as he bent to help her retrieve her resources from the wreckage around them. "Hell, I didn't even _learn_ how to wield anything other than a kunai until my third. A few centuries after that I tried making things on a lark. Turned out surprisingly well."

The ease with which he spoke of his past set alarm bells shrieking in her head.

"You said your first life, did you not?" she murmured, fiddling with a shattered shard of Saint Quartz. "That implies you've lived many, then."

An odd light pulsed in his eyes, and when he next spoke his voice sounded almost reverent.

 _"Thousands since, and thousands more."_

Naturally her first inclination was to doubt Naruto's words; after all, no one could live that long. To exist for so many lifetimes one would have to be a Dead Apostle...or something worse. The thought of it nearly made her shudder. Something like _that_ couldn't be summoned, not even by the FATE system itself. At best, they'd have to give up the very core of their being. Why do such a thing? Yes, by rights she shouldn't believe him. Yet Da Vinci could not bring herself to do so. There was an unmistakable truth to what he'd set, a burning surety she wasn't able to deny.

Oddly enough his gaze chose that moment to shift toward to those same rainbow-colored rocks underfoot.

"You produce Saint Quartz here?"

Ah, so he knew about the value of those precious gems, did he? Another aspect to note.

"No, no, no." feigning a laugh she waved his inquiry aside. "Its produced naturally by Chaldea every few days. I've merely procured a few for my experiments."

A small frown dimpled those whiskered cheeks. "And its made how...?"

"That'd be a secret~!" Da Vinci sang back, poking him in the chest as she summarily scooped and discarded a charred piece of equipment in the appropriate bin. "Honestly, did you expect me to just give away all my secrets after barging in here the way you did?"

Those wild eyes dimmed enough to show contrition.

"Sorry about that."

"You should be!" her cheeks puffed out in childlike annoyance. "I wasted a weeks worth of materials thanks to you! Now I'll have to dip into my reserves! Not to mention this little," hands flailed spectacularly when words abandoned her, "Project, or whatever it is you want me to do! I'll have to wait for _months_ before I can even think of trying again!"

"If its prana you lack, I'm more than willing to bargain." yet again that disarming smile flashed out at her, piercing her defenses. "I've got plenty to spare."

 _Aaaand_ just like that, all was forgiven.

Da Vinci visibly twitched.

 _'Really?!'_

A strange light flickered in Caster's gaze just then, an ember of eagerness fanning to life behind those bright blue orbs before she snuffed it out. Try as he might, Naruto couldn't bring himself to feel at ease. Curiosity? No, perhaps intrigue. Definitely...something. Regardless, he suddenly wondered if he'd pushed her a pace too far. Perhaps he had. After all, he'd come charging in headlong without thinking. One might think he would remember Da Vinci's...eccentricities. Witnessing them firsthand had been another matter entirely. Of course she wouldn't trust him, not after right away at any rate.

Thus it came as something of a surprise when Caster began cackling.

"That's it." she giggled softly to herself. "I give up. Ufufufufu...!"

It was only somewhat disconcerting when the brunette lowered her head and began to laugh. The way her bangs suddenly concealed her pleasant blue eyes? Slightly moreso. As he looked on in quiet consternation at this sudden change in behavior a dainty gloved palm rose, concealing her mouth from view.

"Very well." she declared. "I'll help you."

"Really?! That's great! Than-

"But first!"

A shudder shot up his spine.

"Uh, Da Vinci? Are you alri _-WARGH?!"_

Once more he found himself started by her reaction; by comparison the brunette all but _launched_ herself forward and locked both arms around his neck. The gaze that met his was practically _predatory,_ a look of pure and absolute hunger, a burning need to understand the unknown being before her. All things considered...he might've bitten off more than he could chew. No, he certainly had. Caster had always been a curious sort, but with that provocation he'd sent her tumbling over the edge.

"J-J-J-Just how much prana are we talking about?!" she purred, wriggling against him. "How much...?"

"What the hell?!" squawking, he struggled pry her clutching hands away. "Get offa me!"

With a supreme effort he shook her off, for what little good it did.

Fingers wriggling madly, Leonardo Da Vinci rounded on him.

"Yes, _first_...I think I'll be extracting my payment _now."_

Naruto swallowed thickly. "I...need an adult."

That crazed grin only grew.

 _"I am an adult!"_

* * *

 **(...XxXxX...)**

* * *

In the end it proved to be a surprisingly fruitful venture.

Arms laden with supplies-and more than a few saint quartz besides-a frazzled Naruto finally emerged from Da Vinci's some hours later. While one could certainly call his mission a success, he couldn't help but wonder if his pride had been worth the fall. Sporting a number of tears uponn his sleeves-and more than a few bruises in areas he'd rather not mention-he staggered through the halls of Chaldea, cradling his hard-won prize against his chest. To the naked eye it seemed little more than scrap; bits and pieces of ruined metal intermingled with the valuable gems. To the untrained eye, trash.

Ah, but one man's trash is another man's treasure.

"Seriously, what is _wrong_ with that woman?!" he grumbled aside, hoisting the critical components higher. "She's even more of a pervert than me! Was she that eager in the game? No, I would've remembered that. Then again, this isn't the game anymore now, is it...?"

All told, he hadn't expected to find himself mauled by _her_ of all people.

If Da Vinci of all people was like this, then he was actually _looking forward_ to what he might encounter with some of the more extreme Servants. To be fair, he _had_ poked and prodded her until she reached her breaking point. Still! The sheer potential for chaos, the pranks, the _waifu_...it almost made him drool. Heh. Nearly brought a tear to his eye, that. But first! Now that he'd checked off the first item on his list, it was time to move onto the next phase. It would take more than a silver tongue to win _her_ over...

"Now, then! First things first, gotta stash this somewhere out of sight...

A quick gesture summoned a clone to his side, upon whom he happily divested the hapless resources. Two secondary commands disguised the doppelganger as a random member of Chaldea's staff and sent it scurrying away to prepare their plan. He scarcely spared it a glance before setting off at a light trot in the opposite direction. Taking the first exit he found, the blond bounded forward and advanced down the passageway with the single-minded determination only an avid maniac could possess.

His destination wasn't any particular corridor; rather he wandered aimlessly, his senses stretched to their limit.

Though Chaldea was crewed by a small staff, and a number of potential master candidates, they were relatively easy to distinguish. It was heir life essence that concerned them. Had he truly been gone from the world so long that he'd lost the ability to tell a human from a Servant?

Surely not!

 _'Alright,'_ he growled, _'There aren't that many people here...it can't be that hard to find one girl, much less a Demi-Servant. Where did she run off to? Do I need a quest marker or something?'_

With Olga thankfully...distracted by her newfound duties, he intended to make the most of this opportunity. Once her excitement wore off in the morning she'd likely want to run all manner of stress on him, then show him off to the whole of Chaldea. After all, it wasn't everyday one contracted with a Servant much less one with his...qualities. There would be no end to it until a certain Master-to-be arrived.

Boring, boring, boring!

As intriguing as Olga might be-and one day become-Naruto had no intention of being her trophy. If she thought of him as such she'd be in for a rude awakening indeed. No, he had plans for this place, plans that didn't involve being put on a leash and strutted about like some show dog. With Gudao's arrival _-likely Gudako considering his luck-_ the FATE system would eventually be stabilized, and with it, a gateway to his true desires. Not the Root of course. He had no use for that. Rather, it was the Servants themselves he anticipated.

"Kukuku...I wonder who we'll get first?" Just the thought of it had him squirming with glee. "I can't wait!"

So fixated was he on these thoughts that he didn't even blink when he barreled headlong into someone and summarily bowled them over. With his build he scarcely noticed it; indeed, he muttered a halfhearted apology and likely wouldn't have paid them any mind where it not for one key event:

"Hey!" an irritated voice groaned, "Watch where you're going, asshole!"

Keen ears pricked up.

"Hmm?"

Turning, he spied a shock of silver hair behind him. That said hair framed a familiar face and a pair of golden eyes only served to further heighten his interest. Clad in mismatching grey and black, he recognized them immediately. One simply couldn't forget that surly gaze. Granted, his voice was a fair bit rougher than he'd expected, but surprisingly pleasant nonetheless. Well! He hadn't expected to bump into this one. Perhaps the universe had finally decided to throw him a bone.

On a whim, he dug his heels in and slowed to a stop.

 _'Oho?! Not Mash, **definitely** not Mash, but he'll do! This is perfect!"_

Rounding on the newcomer, he seized them by the shoulders and beamed.

"Kadoc, m'boy! Good to meet ya!"

To the magus's credit, he didn't so much as bat an eyelash at the sudden invasion of his personal space. Well, he _was_ a Magus after all. Compared to the rest of the Crypters Kadoc Zemlupus was decidedly average, his circuits average at best. But he'd likely witnessed all manner of phenomena already. Surely a Servant of all things wouldn't be able to startle him. Indeed, that deadpan expression never wavered.

 _"The hell're you?"_

"You don't know?" Urk. His pride. His poor, _poor_ pride. "I thought half of Chaldea would know by now! Did you miss the horns, oi?!"

Sure enough, comprehension dawned in those dull orbs. _"You._ You're the one Olga pulled this morning. That Servant...

"Got in one!" Naruto clapped. "Well, two, but still! Uzumaki Naruto at your service!"

"Assassin?" the boy inquired bluntly.

"Nope!"

Confusion screwed across Kadoc's pale visage. "You _have_ to have a class. Its part of the system."

"I do, I do!" he reassured him, tousling his hair. "Its just not the one you think."

When the Master-to-be didn't reply, a thread of concern wove itself into his voice. While he admittedly knew precious little about the future Crypter outside of the Lostbelt and the chaos it brought, he knew that he shouldn't be acting like...this. It wasn't like him to be so silent. Pessimistic perhaps, but no, never silent. Hmm. Perhaps he'd prod him a little.

"Hey, why the long face?"

"I can't believe this. Even that idiot managed to summon something. She had no potential whatsoever, but she still pulled off a miracle." as he looked on, the young magus clutched at his jacket and grit his teeth in thinly concealed agitation. "What does that say about me, then? The FATE system's supposed to unstable, yet she pulled you through. Me? All I can do is rayshift. If I can't summon, what good am I as a Master candidate?"

Ah.

He knew that look.

Yes, he knew it all too well.

 _'Still, if I keep pushing him, I'm going to change things..._

"Now, now, don't be like that." at a loss, he attempted to pat Kadoc on the back. "I'm sure you have the potential. You just don't realize it yet."

"Tch." the youth grimaced and slapped his hand away. "Why bother? I'm just average. I can't possibly-

A muscle jumped in the blond's jaw.

 _"NARUTO~CHOP~!"_

Five taut fingers descended mercilessly upon Kadoc's skull, leaving a steaming indent there amidst his hair. With a startled squawk the silver-haired boy recoiled, clutching at his head. Finally that stoic facade shattered, breaking up like so much glass. Eyes watering, the magus rounded on him with a pained hiss.

"What's wrong with you?!"

"None of that!" Before the boy could think to berated him, he jabbed a finger against his skull. "With hard work, even a low class warrior can surpass an elite!"

...did you just quote _Dragonball?"_ Kadoc croaked, massaging his throbbing temples. "Seriously? That show's ancient...

"Semantics!" Ignoring the magi's question he flicked his forehead and bulled onward. "Look, I was a _loser_ before I became what I am today. Couldn't do anything right besides pranks and the occasional trick. I had to sacrifice, bleed, sweat, and cry to make something of myself. Hard work and determination brought me here; made me who I am today. You can do the same."

"Wow. Seriously? What kind of heroic spirit plays pranks?" Despite his best efforts, Kadoc guffawed openly.

"Oi! The best kind! Whoever said I was a _heroic_ spirit?" Naruto countered.

...fair enough."

After a moment's consideration, he decided to impart one last crucial piece of information to the boy in spite of the silence.. "In the spirit of cooperation, I'll give you a bit of advice to set you on your way. Try to summon a Caster. It'll be easier for you. Treat them well and they'll do the same for you."

Those amber orbs squinted at him with frightful intensity.

...wait. You _know_ something, don't you?"

Alright. He couldn't help himself.

"Ha! That'd be a secret!" With a booming laugh he slapped the magus on the back and swept past him. "Later, brat! Try to say away from the Rayshift room for the next few days, regardless of what you're told. Just in case. It'd be such a shame if you put all that hard work to waste. Lets keep this our little secret, eh?"

"Wait!" the Crypter shouted at his back. "Why tell me all this?! I'm not your friend!"

"Eh? Oi? What was that just now? A friend, you say?"

A moment later, the Servant cruised to a halt.

 _"Oh my sweet summer child..._

The boy froze.

In that moment a veil dropped from Kadoc's eyes and he glimpsed the Servant in all its unholy glory. A lone crimson orb peered at him over a cloaked shoulder, the hints of sharp fangs peeking through a benign smile of dubious intent. His shadow writhed and twisted at his feet, forming a monstrous silhouette he daren't describe. This wasn't a man, or even a Servant. It was a beast. A creature of unparalleled destruction that had, for one reason or another, taken pity on him for reasons he didn't understand. Olga couldn't have summoned something like this. No, the only acceptable alternative was...but that meant...!

 _Now it was looking at him._

...trust me, you ain't never had a friend like me." whiskered cheeks dimpled in a dangerous smile. "Props to you if you recognize the reference. Now be a good boy and run along before I lose my patience. Who knows? Ya might get lucky and pull a Servant." a clawed hand flicked dismissively. "Go on now, shoo!"

Numbed, he could only nod.

Naruto observed his hasty retreat in contemplative silence.

In a rustle of cloth, the blond left him to his thoughts. It never once occurred to him that he'd just wrought an irreparable change upon the fabric of reality. Why should it? From his point of view, he'd only done what came naturally to him. If someone was lost, they could be found. If they were forsaken, they could be saved. It was simply his philosophy. Surely there were those who could not be saved, those who refused to accept a hand offered in mercy, but they were few and far between. To go against his own creed would be akin to anathema for him.

"Hmm. Hope the kid listens. Anastasia'll be good for him. Now, if I can just find Mash before things get lively...

Fifty steps and five turns later, he conceded the point.

 _'Screw it. Using sage mode!'_

A heartbeat of stillness was all he required to expand his senses

What Chaldea might lack in natural energy it more than made up for in life. He could sense Caster clear as day back in the research division. Thanks to the energy she'd "siphoned" from him, he noticed her immediately and filed her signature away for later. There was Doctor Roman to the north, likely playing hooky again. Several smaller motes of light drew his attention only to be discarded as maintenance workers. No dice. He would need to peer deeper, to draw what little he could from his surroundings.

Now _Olga's_ freshly awakened circuits buzzed pleasantly in his peripherals.

Several floors below, she stood among a group of nearly fifty. Like a small sun, warm and bright, instantly discernible thanks to their contract. He was also somewhat pleased to notice a silvery slip of light that could only be Kadoc headed towards the Summoning Room. Seemed he'd taken him at his word after all. Perhaps he'd changed his fate for the better. The thought brought a small smile to his lips.

And there...

 _'Ding! We have a winner!'_

His senses prickled, faded, surged again.

So. This must be what a Demi-Servant felt like.

By comparison she was close; almost alarmingly so; he needed only to retrace his steps and hook a right rather than a left.

If Da Vinci's fading presence had been a sputtering river of prana then Mash registered as little more than a babbling brook. Noticeable perhaps, but little more than a blip on the radar if one didn't know what to look for. Even to his trained senses he could scarcely sense her presence at all. Two years. Two years left to live in a life left all but un-lived. In theory it made sense, considering she wasn't yet "awakened" as a full fledged Servant. If memory served, that moment wouldn't come until a critical juncture in the story-one not far off. And when it did, she'd eventually lose her life because of it, only to be revived, which in turn would lead to still more suffering on her part...

The thought caused him to grit his teeth.

He'd need to have words with Galahad about that. Strong words.

Sure enough he found her perched near a viewport, her bespectacled gaze peering calmly into the snowstorm beyond. A tiny white squirrel-like creature that could only have been Fou curled contentedly in her lap, purring softly as she brushed its coat with tender care. All at once, resolve guttered out in Naruto. He paused, dithering just out of sight. For the first time since entering Chaldea-indeed, perhaps the first time in nearly an entire age-he felt as though he were actually _intruding._ Interrupting some precious moment not meant for his eyes.

Abruptly, Fou lifted his head and hissed in his direction him.

 _ **"Kyu!"**_

Naruto blinked, somewhat taken aback by the creature's hostility. "What the hell did I do?!"

No good; try as he might to catch it, the elusive little creature still scampered between his legs and escaped him. In the end he only wound up making a fool of himself. With speed and agility that belied its size, the tiny little skamp vanished through a door. One final taunting chirp and he was lost to them. Aghast, the former deity could only extended a shaking fist in the face of the beast's retreat.

"Bah, I didn't want to pet you anyway! Okay, maybe I did...

"I'm sorry, he's very particular about people."

Much to his surprise, Mash spoke first.

Her gaze shifted back to the storm.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Placid purple orbs rose to meet his, one eye hidden behind pale pinkish tresses. Her head tilted slightly to regard him, taking in his appearance at a glance. If she was at all alarmed by his horns or outlandish attire, she did little to show it. Perhaps she'd simply grown to accept eccentricities during her short life. Still, her blank visage alarmed _him;_ if only because it served a startling reminder just how introverted the _Shielder_ had once been. She hadn't truly begun to express emotion until she'd met the Protagonist...which he most assuredly was not. Well, hero or not, there were ways to fix her mood, weren't there...?

Three swift strides carried Naruto across the hall to her; once there, he plopped down beside her with all the pomp and ceremony of a country bumpkin.

What?

He _loathed_ ceremony.

Tucking both legs beneath his body, he leaned forward to regard the Demi-Servant warmly.

"Uzumaki Naruto." he drawled, extending a tanned hand. "Been wantin' to meet you for a _long_ time, Mash."

Confusion dawned in her visible eye, laced with a hint of shock, spiced by a glimmer of fear. "How do you know my name...?"

"I know a lot of things." the horned deity-turned-servant hummed musically, his gaze never leaving hers. "Think of me as...a friend. I suppose you could call me a senpai of sorts, if you like. Someone who wants to help you live your life to the fullest."

His words picked at an old wound in her heart.

Despite herself, she bristled.

"Why?"

"Because," those blue eyes narrowed intently upon her, "I've been where you are now. I know what it means to draw the short straw, to live an empty life. A hollow existence. Forgive me for cutting to the chase, but you deserve better, and I'd like to help you. If you'll let me."

At first, Mash regarded his open palm with quiet confusion, not quite sure what to make of it or his words. They seemed fanciful. Downright silly, even. Yet his expression remained steadfast; a steel bulwark in the face of her own muted skepticism. He knew her name. How was that possible? She'd only ever laid eyes on him once before; having briefly glimpsed him during the Olga's summoning ceremony and the chaos that followed. He hadn't seemed terribly interested in her then; instead he'd dashed off the moment the doors opened. Why now? What had changed?

Yet the warmth of his words struck a chord in her soul.

There was a surety of purpose in those eyes, one she'd never known.

When his hand didn't waver she tentatively inched her own forward. Slowly, precariously, fearing it might shatter if she touched it. She scarcely knew him, knew little more than his name, yet was it wrong to accept what he offered? Nothing compelled her. She moved of her own free will, without the slightest of compulsions. Yet where there was hope, so too lived fear. No. She couldn't trust him. This was all too fast, too sudden, too much for her to absorb. And yet... and yet...

 _Did she dare?_

With a sudden surge of speed the blond reached forward to bridge the gap between them. In more ways than one. Strong fingers grasped hers, firmly yet gently pulling her forward into a fierce embrace. Baffled by this sudden turn of events as much as the one who'd instigated them, the demi-servant started when her head came to rest against his chest. She nearly flailed for a moment before she realized he meant her no harm. Arms of robed cloth and corded muscle folded across her back, holding her fast, enfolding her with silent warmth as stray strands of gold tickled at her nose.

"It's gonna be alright now." her fellow Servant murmured into her shoulder. "I swear, I'll never let you feel that kind of despair again."

Despair?

What was he talking about?

Warmth flooded her all at once.

Moreover, why were her eyes wet?

Try as she might, Mash couldn't untangle the writhing knot in her chest. For all her resolve she began to sniffle. Human contact wasn't something she was all familiar with; no one had ever shook her hand, much less given her a hug before. Not even Doctor Roman. No one had ever taken her aside to talk to her about how she felt, none had ever asked her opinion on her own cursed existence as a Designer Baby. Eighteen yesrs to live. Eighteen to die. No one said it would be alright. In the end she was forced to accept her own limited reality, to come to terms with the fact that she lived but to die.

For someone to simply _hold her_ and tell her everything would be alright...

The slightest of smiles creased her pale visage.

...thank you, Senpai."

"Ack!" just like that Naruto's head snapped back with explosive force, blood spouting from his nose. "I can't hold on any longer!" Boneless limbs released Mash all at once, leaving their owner to toppled backwards to the floor like a limp bag of flesh. "You're just too adorable! That smile should be illegal!"

"Senpai?! You're bleeding!"

"No, this is proof that I'm a man!"

As his ill luck would have it, fate chose that moment to rear its ugly head.

The gentle sound of footsteps resounded around the corner opposite him with a steady click, growing louder with each passing moment. For all his skill and speed, his luck finally failed him. He'd been so distracted he simply hadn't sensed them coming. Damnit.

Instinctively, he snapped back into Sage Mode.

 _'Oh, hell.'_

Something foul teased his sixth sense, twisting his pleasant smile into a rare scowl of distaste. Naruto silently swore, thought of turning back, then decided against it. He'd hoped to avoid this; and thereby deny himself the temptation of muddying Chaldea's waters even further. Dealing with the Crypters would be one matter, one in which he could perhaps nudge them some of them-Kadoc and Ophelia sprang to mind-onto the right path, but actively antagonizing the man responsible for the near destruction of humanity just seemed plain stupid. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to find a way out.

"Mash."

Something in that gaze riveted her.

"I...look, just find Doctor Roman, alright? I'll find you later."

Without another word, he turned and bolted in the opposite direction.

By themselves, the halls of Chaldea were largely featureless.

Rounded corridors with no embellishment save the occasional window-affording a glimpse into the seemingly perpetual winter beyond-led off into adjacent corridors and doors whose purpose one could only guess at. No two rooms were the same, just as the halls themselves were not meant to mislead their guests...unless one knew where to look. The occasional cleaning robot scurried underfoot, their presence interposed only by the dim lighting. With such a setup, it was almost painfully easy for a newcomer to lose their way, or as some exceptional rumors would say, simply vanish...never to be heard from again.

In that moment, Naruto rounded the wrong bend and encountered the one person he shouldn't have.

It was in such a place that he encountered _him._

As he pondered his chances, his target languidly strolled into view.

"Oh?" that squinted gaze instantly set him on edge. "What do we have here?"

"Someone minding their own business, thank you." the blond groused. "I'd appreciate it if you left me be."

 _Lev._

Credit where it was due, the bastard-demon!-was very good at hiding his true nature from prying eyes. Frighteningly so. Orochimaru himself would've been hard pressed to conceal such animosity. Where it not for the faintest miasma leaking from his soul in the form of his own twisted emotions, Naruto never would've suspected him to the be the culprit; much less believed it without irrefutable proof. This man had wormed his way into the good graces of everyone he met, his silver tongue deceiving all those unfortunate to meet him.

A demon incarnate.

As it stood, Naruto's own sixth sense was uniquely suited to detecting such malcontent. Even then he almost second guessed himself. _Here_ was a being dedicated to one purpose, the utter eradication of humanity as the world knew it. His mad machinations would cost Chaldea hundreds of lives, not to mention those of several Servants in the long term. Lev would kill and kill and kill again, without batting an eyelash. Without remorse. And why shouldn't he? In his twisted mind, he was in the right.

 _...I wanna punch him.'_

It seemed a silly thought in hindsight; he couldn't kill him now. Not here. There were too many variables. Too many scenarios. Yet if he left unchecked, Lev would wreak havoc in the coming days. Letting him be seemed the easiest choice; if he did nothing events would progress as they had in other singularities. He'd make certain to save Olga of course, but...

 _'Just keep walking. Just keep walking..._

In the end he almost made it past the mass murderer without incident. Swift strides carried him by, then around, the green-clad killer. Their shoulders brushed in passing and though the man's foul emotions made his gorge rise, he pressed on. To his dismay, the incessant click of those footsteps merely turned and followed him down the hall. Irritated, the blond rounded the next bend hastened his pace. To no avail. Minutes passed as he unwillingly led his tail deeper into Chaldea. It would've been one matter if he encountered Olga or Doctor Roman; then at least, he could make his escape. It was not to be.

When he reached a dead end, however, he found himself forced to turn and make a stand.

...what do you want?"

A soft cough claimed his attention.

"I could ask you the same thing, Servant. Do you have something against me?"

 _'Everything!'_

"Where are my manners?" as if sensing that very thought, the magus bowed and turned to regard him with a hint of some emotion he couldn't quantify. "My name is Lev." that mysterious smile never once wavered as he spoke. "Lev Lainur Flauros. You must be the newcomer Olga summoned this morning. Not much to look at, are you? I'm impressed you survived the summoning."

A low growl built in the back of Naruto's throat, silenced at the last moment.

Break him in half. Tear off his head. Cave in that face!

Slowly, reluctantly, he turned to face him.

 _'So. Passive aggressive, is it?'_

Perhaps he remained confident because they were alone; with no one to observe, he didn't feel the need to maintain the charade any longer than absolutely necessary. Why should he? After all, Chaldea-and Olga-was very much on his side at this moment. He'd done nothing untoward as of yet, killed no one, never made his plans known. Nor would he. Killing Lev here and now would not only turn the whole organization against him as a whole, but worse it might create new singularities they weren't prepared to deal with. Still, there was one eventuality he couldn't prepare for.

In that moment, he made a split second decision; one that would later shift the very fabric of reality itself.

...Brock did it better."

"I'm sorry?" The traitor tilted his head.

"The squinty eyes bit." the blond repeated, enunciating each word with rolling sarcasm. "Brock from Pokemon did it better. But really, what could one expect from a Demon? Your kind always strives to imitate what it can't have. Bit sad, really."

"Demon?" Unsurprisingly, the tainted magus didn't immediately rise to the bait." Of course not. Any act worth his salt wouldn't be so easily startled. "I'm afraid I haven't the foggiest idea of what you're talking about. Perhaps you've confused me with...someone else?"

Unspoken was the silent threat; _choose your next words with care._

"Is that so?' With great satisfaction, the Servant tilted his head and barreled straight through. "Wonder what _Goetia_ has to say about that. Really, Solomon didn't do a very good job if you deny your true nature so easily." robed shoulders rolled in a low shrug. "Nothing impressive, really."

For the first time since he'd encountered him, Lev stopped smiling.

...oh, dear." He frowned. "How very _rude_ you are."

No, it wasn't that he'd stopped smiling per se, Naruto realized. On the contrary, that expression remained fixed in place, but now the mask was nowhere to be seen. In place of that feigned facade only an irritated grimace remained; thin lips parting to expose teeth turned sharp and jagged. The air turned foul around them, the breath stagnating in his lungs. A gloved hand swept upward to remove the hat from his head, absently cradling it at his side. And at last, those blood-red eyes finally opened.

In the blink of an eye, he found himself facing a monster masquerading as a man.

"I thought it strange that Olga gained the aptitude to become Master _and_ Rayshift in the same day, when she'd never possessed such a thing before." the demon pillar murmured darkly, "At the time, I'd chalked it up to a stroke of luck. Ill luck, but luck nonetheless. No, _you_ were to blame weren't you? I see. Yes, it all makes sense now." his hands went taut behind his back. "You're an agent of the Counter Force then? This is an unforeseen element of the project that goes beyond what my tolerance allows. I should kill you now, Servant. You were a fool to reveal yourself."

It would've so easy to correct Lev just then; instead, he let him dwell in his ignorance.

"Probably." planting his feet, Naruto willed himself to stand fast and planted both hands in his pockets. "But you won't. Just as I can't kill you."

"Oh?" those beady eyes narrowed to vicious slits. "What makes you think _I_ won't? You're no match for me-

Naruto exhaled.

Little more than a silent breath.

 _'Right, then. If he's going to cheat, its only fair.'_

But in that moment-that fleeting sliver of eternity-he let the shroud slip.

For little more than a millisecond he welcomed the truth of what he was and exposed the entirety of his being to the tainted magus before him. Gentle white light stemmed from his back to shroud his shoulders, sheathing his body in resplendent ethereal golden glow to match the faded crimson leaking from his adversary. To his delight, Lev actually started at the sight. A flicker of disbelief passed through that arrogant visage before the latter managed to stifle it beneath a thin veneer of disgust.

"Of course." A low, exasperated hiss snaked through clenched teeth, "You're one of those. My, you're going to be difficult about this, aren't you?"

Golden eyes blazed back at him.

"Of course I am!"

Demon and deity leered at one another and neither yielded. Light and dark. Good and evil. Chaos and...well, he'd be lying if he claimed to serve Order. Chaos was far more appealing in that regard. But chaos meant nothing if you had no one to share it with. In that regard he differed from these supposed "Demon Gods" and their misguided efforts. Humanity wasn't something to be eradicated. For all their flaws, all their faults, all their cruelty, they'd proven themselves capable of the reverse. They could be kind. They could care. They could show great kindness unto one another...even sacrifice themselves for those they loved. They'd earned the right to exist, they just needed the occasional... _nudge_ in the right direction.

When one moved, so too, did the other.

Lev reached him first, pausing a hairsbreadth away.

"You haven't won, you fool. You've only delayed the inevitable."

"Maybe," the deity-turned-Servant rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "Maybe not. Still, I think humanity has the right to decide their fate for themselves, don't you?"

"Silence, _trash."_ Jagged teeth curled into a slanted snarl. "Are you trying to trick me? I never had any hope for humans in the first place. There's no point in struggling. You're insignificant. Worthless. Just like that girl of yours."

Naruto felt his right eye twitch.

For all his efforts to maintain an impassive facade, the reminder of Olga's coming death still sparked something in him. Divinity or no, he was still human enough to feel emotion. And what he experienced now bordered on pure, primordial rage. To exist in a constant state of death...it was a fate no one deserved. One he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. In that moment, all thoughts of madness and merriment fled from his mind, scoured away by the coming storm. _Kill him,_ a voice hissed in his ear. _Kill him now. Kill him before he hurts anyone else._ The thought sent a fresh twitch through his face.

Lev saw this and pounced.

"Even pride is nothing more than ultimate stupidity if misdirected, huh?" when the whiskered warrior didn't rise to the bait, he jabbed a gloved finger against his chest. "Just watch. We'll pull the rug out from under you when you least expect it. And what can you do alone? You! You're nothing now! Just a lowly Servant!" Cackling, the impostor spread his arms wide and donned that hideous hat once more. _"We are legion!_ My king will grind you beneath his heel without a second thought!"

...not alone."

The demon pillar glanced at him askance.

"Pardon?"

"I'm not alone." bracing himself for what he knew would follow, the horned blond straightened up." "If you really think I leaped into this without a plan, then you're even more of an idiot than I am." Then he reeled back and spat in the man's face.

Rage twisted that serene gaze.

"You filthy familiar!"

An empty palm cracked across his face before he'd even finished, jerking his head aside. Slowly, painfully, he turned the other cheek to face him.

"You do not want this fight."

A fresh blow rocked across his visage. "I believe I do, Servant!"

Clenched knuckles barreled into the side of his face, ripping a tooth free from the gum.

 _'Oh, jeez!'_ Pain ripped through his mouth, _'He actually hits pretty hard. That's going to hurt like a bitch later..._

"Hmmph. You speak of the FATE system." Lev's voice rose over the pounding blood in his ears. "Of course. It will avail you nothing." A knee smashed into his stomach, driving him to his hands and knees. "I've already taken precautions. Yes, there's no need for me to use _that_ form here. My identity remains secure. Do you hear me, wretch?!" he shrieked and fresh agony spiked across Naruto's ear as the man's heel crashed against it. "You are beneath me! I am a god! You're nothing!"

 _'Yes, that's right.'_ a small, secret smile spread across the blond's visage. _'Keep talking. Tell me your life's story. Keep monologuing and I'll eventually learn where you put all those bombs..._

"Why are you smiling?! Another kick sent him tumbling down the hall as Lev's voice rose to a feverish pitch. "Very well! If you're so fond of your _precious_ humans perhaps I should simply eliminate them now and be done with it, hmm?!"

Damn.

No, no, no.

Couldn't have that.

Lev scarcely realized his peril as he stalked after his prey. Crimson eyes regarded the prone Servant as his feet. In a fit of pique, he cannoned another kick into the blond's side. The gall. The unmitigated gall. How dare he mock him! How are he sully his divine visage! No, this would not stand. He wanted to crush that face, to stomp him out, to see that smirk sink into despair. He didn't know how he'd been found out. Quite frankly, he didn't care. What mattered now was eradicating the one who'd discovered him.

Poor Olga, losing the Servant she'd so recently summoned.

Such a terrible accident!

She would doubtlessly believe the lies he fed her; that little fop hung on every word he said. Perhaps it was foolish of him to leap to such conclusions, to threaten his well-laid plans in his fury. Ah, well. He supposed it didn't matter. The Servant was already at death's door; all that remained was to thrust him through it.

As such, one could imagine his surprise when the target of his ire suddenly reared up and seized him by the ankle.

"I'm sorry, what was that bit about being a god, again?"

Blue eyes blazed up at him, sheathed in balefire.

"All I see is a puny demon."

 _Air._

Quite suddenly the demon pillar found himself airborne, swung upward towards the ceiling with tremendous speed. What? When had this happened? Just as swiftly, gravity sank its cruel claws into him and he came hurtling back down. With an explosive crunch the steel floor burst before his visage, sending his eyes rolling. Frantically he tried to flail his arms-to no avail. A harsh tug on his leg whipped him back to the other side again at incredible velocity to slam against the floor anew, leaving a decidedly Lev-shaped-imprint upon the ground. Bones creaked and then he found himself on the move again, faster still.

Back and forth.

It could've been minutes that he found himself trapped in the beast's grip. Hours. Days. In reality, he simply didn't know. At some point his mind simply stopped processing the situation. When he finally came to, he found himself wedged stolidly between plates of sheet metal, hands bound at his sides.

His mouth moved weakly, a tiny groan fleeing from his lips.

Incredibly the horned Servant chose that moment to release him, leaving to Lev to backpedal like a drunken crab.

"You won't kill me." he sneered, though a gleam of fear lurked in his visible eye. "You can't! They'll never believe a word you say. Or have you forgotten? Your precious Master's wrapped around my finger. One word from me and she'll discard you like yesterday's trash!"

Naruto advanced. "You're operating under the assumption I'll let you _talk."_

Huh. He hadn't thought Lev capable of making a girly sound like that. Almost suited him.

"You're right, though. I won't kill you." his reply drew that sneer down into a scowl. "I don't need to. You'll attack me again. _I_ don't have to do anything."

"Ha!" A harsh, disbelieving laugh burst out of the demon. "As if I would be foolish enough to make such a miscalculation! No! You wouldn't dare strike me again! If you do I'll-

 _"You'll what?"_

In that moment, Naruto caught a glimpse of the thoughts that so defined the demon pillar.

The very idea that someone would oppose their long-cherished goal was so absurd as to be laughable. In his mind, they should meekly accept their fate and die like the pigs they were. After all, what place did trash have in the glorious wold they sought to establish? Yet this imbecile believed he could change it. He must be bluffing. A-After all! He hadn't been able to defend himself just now! Yes! Surely this was just a ruse!

"Now, I'm going to give you one more chance to hit me." mockingly, he lowered both arms to his sides. "You. Me. Hard as you can."

"And if I decide not to rise to your little ploy? Do you think me a fool?"

Naruto allowed his lips to twist into a mocking sneer.

"Then I guess Solomon was right about you-

Ah. There it was. That look. He had him.

 _ **"YOU WRETCH!"**_

Lev lunged.

Fingers honed into a taut point, he surged forward with a wordless snarl. His attack was flawless. His poise pristine. There was no flaw in his technique; indeed he moved with a grace that would've made most men-and more than a few magi-balk, his dissolving into little more than a green blur as he rammed that hardened hand toward the Servant's chest. Fool! A dark exultation flooded him as he felt those steel digits begin to pierce flesh and bone, driving inexorably toward the blond's heat. No matter how powerful an agent of the Counter Force might be, they were no match for-

 _Naruto was faster still._

Without so much as blink he sidestepped that thrust, slapped the demon's hand away, and drove a robed elbow down into Lev's startled visage. Bone and cartilage folded like wet tissue paper. A single blow rendered that once handsome face little more than a twisted facsimile of its former self. Agony burned his world white. Flesh bent inward in grisly relief. Crimson spurted through the air and, eyes watering, the demon stumbled back to clutch at what remained of his disfigured face. Disbelief warred with rage, smothering one another in the confusion even as he tumbled away. What madness was this?! For him to be bested by a mere Servant, a filthy familiar of all things-

"Oh, no you don't." A low hiss filled his ears. "You don't get to run away. _You_ started this, now _you_ finish it."

Clawed hands seized him by the wrist and reeled him back in for another blow; obliterating his right eye in a heated blur of motion. Even as he opened his mouth to curse him, to call for help, to say something-anything-that might turn the tide, a clawed hand scythed into his neck to shatter his trachea. Words abandoned him as surely as his strength, dying a croaking death in his throat. Eyes bulging, Lev found himself retreating once more only to reel as a fresh storm of blows descended upon him with quiet fury. Slowly, methodically, the Servant began to dismantle him.

It all began with a rustle of cloth.

Leve's first instinct was to slash at the coat when Naruto flung it at him.

Alas, that nearsighted instinct wasn't near enough to save him from what followed.

The Servant's right palm silently rose to block his blind jab; then the other countered with a cross to his left cheek. A fist barreled into his liver, sending blood sluicing between his teeth as he staggered way. Pain seared across his vision in a brilliant white nova to blind him, preventing him from utilizing his magecraft. By the time concept occurred to him, it was far too late.

Strong palms slammed against his ears like thunder, deafening him to the world and all its ugliness. Aghast, he snarled wordlessly.

No! This couldn't be! How could he be losing to a mere Servant?! Much less this blond buffoon!

He wasn't meant to be bested here, he was meant for so much more!

 _'You wretch! I'll show you hell!'_

Discombobulated and dazed, he attempted a wild haymaker, only to be be denied by an elbow block. Desperate now, a feral left followed, easily evaded. By contrast, the followup proved devastating. A contemptuous slap of that very same elbow crackled across his face, weakening his right jaw. An uppercut fractured it further, etching fine fissures against the bone. Again Lev struck out at the elusive Servant, _again_ he failed to find him as he swiped wildly at his face. His target rippled like water and struck like a viper, flowing around the awkward attack to deliver a brutal body shot to his torso, breaking his already cracked ribs. Even as he reeled against this fresh starburst of pain another punch traumatized his solar plexus. Before he could even register that, a fourth and final punch dislocated his jaw entirely.

One final heel kick to his diaphragm shot him outside Chaldea entirely.

Hardened burst against his back as the blond's boot collided with his chest, launching him through the unfortunate viewport he encountered.

White filled his vision.

In spite of his wounds, Lev found himself alarmingly coherent as he tumbled through the drifts. He was startling aware of every injury, each broken bone as he hurtled to his death. Each passing moment stained the snow red, yet he couldn't summon the strength to stop himself. The sole sign that he'd finally stopped came as his right arm-what remained of it-dangled helplessly over the void. Through his remaining eye he beheld the drop awaiting him below, tried to summon the power to transform, failed spectacularly.

By some struck of luck, he'd come to rest at the precipice of the cliff itself.

Yes, the situation was still salvageable.

He could still escape, still...

"To quote an old friend," a smug voice rose in his ear over the howling winds to fill him with fear, "In summary, ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Capacity to threaten the human race?"

A hand wrapped around the back of his collar, hoisting him upward.

 _"Neutralized."_

"Urk...you...upstart...

"How does it feel, Lev?" once more that insidious voice welled up over the ringing in his ears. "Then again, this pain is nothing compared to what your victims suffered." A ghastly grin floated before his swimming sight as he struggled and failed to right himself. "No, no, no! We've barely begun! Don't black out on me now!"

The pillar's wounds would no doubt mend with time of course, but that precious commodity was suddenly in short supply. Judging by the croaking sounds he was making, his throat had already repaired most of the damage dealt to him. If the fall alone didn't cripple him, his injuries would.

 _Pity._

"I meant what I said when I couldn't kill you." a strange, benevolent smile bloomed across that whiskered face. "You'll just come back, sooner or later. Doesn't stop me from beating you within an inch of your life and launching you outside of Chaldea, though. Enjoy the hike! Mountains are a bitch this time of year! So. Let's wrap this up, shall we? Oh, but how rude of me! I never said hello to you earlier. Allow me to do so now."

Grinning, he leaned forward.

Held him aloft.

"Hi, Lev."

"You filthy familiar! I won't die alone!"

"Aaaaaaaaaand bye Lev. See you in Fuyuki! Remember, its not the fall that kills you, its the sudden stop!"

As the grip on his coat slackened, the demon pillar sent one final, frenzied burst of localized prana toward Chaldea.

He had no way of knowing whether the bombs would detonate in response to his command; this last act had been one of sheer spite meant to shatter the enemy's confidence. Damn him. Damn him to hell. He'd hoped to catch all the Masters in the blast and in doing so, mortally wound Chaldea for the foreseeable future. He'd have to settle for less now. Curse him. A thousand curses upon his bones! He'd hoped to take the blond's stricken expression to his grave. He hadn't even flinched. No, if anything the bastard was smiling. But why...?

With one final, lilting laugh, that accursed Servant released his hold upon him and happily dropped Flauros into the abyss.

* * *

 **(...XxXxX...)**

* * *

Olga finally tracked Naruto down later that evening.

When word of a scuffle in Chaldea's upper levels reached her, she'd initially feared the worst. Unfortunately, as news of the skirmish only reached her hours _after_ the fact, it thus proved too late for her to intervene. Even had she been alerted to the trouble earlier, it wouldn't have made a lick of difference. She'd only just emerged from the lower level moments ago; indeed, she counted herself lucky to be alive at all. Her own injuries were superficial compared to the others.

Disaster had struck.

Be it by chance or by some insidious plot, a series of explosions detonated during a rayshifting experiment. Of the nearly fifty master candidates they'd assembled, less than a handful remained. No casualties to speak of thankfully, but many of them remained in critical condition. Of _those_ she was one of only _two_ not confined to a hospital bed or a medical coffin. If not for the value of Command Spells and their scarcity, she would've simply utilized one to bring Naruto to her side at once. She was beginning to regret not doing so. Perhaps then the crisis could have been averted earlier.

In hindsight, she still couldn't believe Kadoc's luck.

He hadn't been anywhere near the central stage when the blast went off. He'd been stricken by a panic attack afterwards unfortunately, yet remained very much unharmed. Under any other circumstance she might've thought him the culprit. It was only her own ruthless pragmatism _-and another outside factor-_ that prevented him from spending the night in the brig. She knew Kadoc. He wasn't a killer. Pessimistic and negative to a fault perhaps, but not a murderer. Besides, he simply didn't possess the _capacity_ to trigger that kind of blast with prana alone. The detonator they'd salvaged had been triggered _remotely_ at that.

Thus it came as something of a surprise when she found Naruto in the cafeteria with _Mash_ , of all people.

In all fairness, he saw her coming.

Mash actually looked up from her meal and _smiled_ at that.

Spirits above and elements below, what had she missed in the last few hours?

"Yo, Master!" a hand rose to greet her, even as he polished off a fresh bowl of ramen with the other. "I was wondering when you'd-

"Where did you run off to?!" open palms slammed down against the table with a start, nearly sending his meal flying. "You had me worried sick!"

"Nowhere, really." the blond hummed, sweeping a fresh mouthful of noodles into his maw. "I was just taking out the trash and tending to the wounded. So, how's our new arrival? Is she settling in? Remind me to give 'ol Kadoc congratulations later. She's a Caster, right? Let me guess...her true name's Anastasia?"

Mash started.

"Senpai...you knew about this?"

"Of course I did! It's elementary, my dear!"

Olga nearly strangled him where he sat.

"How did you know about that?!"

"Had a feeling." blue orbs regarded her in an eye-smile. "Also, may or may not have given him some advice. Really, he always had the potential, just needed a push. He even survived because of it. Lucky~! Let me guess, she won't let anyone see him because she's afraid for his life, right?"

"NA~RU~TO~!"

In hindsight, Olga Animusphere couldn't be blamed for what followed that statement.

In the blink of an eye she vaulted the table and tried to throttle him.

His throat didn't yield in the least.

"Oi, that tickles, Master!"

Honestly, it was something of a miracle that _anyone_ had escaped with their lives at all. She'd been at the epicenter of that blast. As had Ophelia. They shouldn't have survived. Spirits, they shouldn't be _alive._ Yet they had. And they were. As though someone-or something?-diverted the worst of the explosives away from them. No, that was impossible, surely. Who could've possessed that kind of foresight? She was about to second that remark when something occurred to her.

No, wait.

He'd said trash just now.

A snake of dread coiled in her guts, causing her to release him.

"Servant!" She growled, drawing herself back, "It seems you enjoy Ramen."

"As a matter of fact," Naruto's back stiffened. "I do, yes."

"Oh, no." Mash palmed her face. "Here it comes."

Olga's eyes narrowed to livid golden slits.

Words tumbled out of her, rapid fire.

 _"Tellmewhodidthisrightnoworiwillrevokeyourramenrights!"_

The blond absolutely sputtered.

"You wouldn't dare!"

 _ **"OH?!"**_

Her Command Spells pulsed dangerously, burning with the crimson light.

"By the power of my-

"Ack! Alright, alright, Master!" Naruto flailed spectacularly! "I'll spill the beans! It was Lev!"

Reason died a slow, withering death in Olga's young heart.

...excuse me?"

"Lev Lainur Flaurous, actually." her Servant clarified, never once looking away from his meal. "He was the traitor. I'm sure he had all manner of nastiness planned. Those bombs you mentioned? Those were his doing. I'm sorry." a rare grimace touched those whiskered cheeks as her face turned ashen. "If I had more time to prepare, I could've prevented that blast."

Olga scarcely heard him.

No.

Not Lev.

It _couldn't_ be Lev.

This must be some kind of mistake. Lev was loyal. He'd been by her side ever since her father's death. Lev, who'd helped her found Chaldea. Lev, who wanted to save humanity. Lev, who was always there for her, always willing to hep her. Dear, sweet Lev. Surely this was a mistake. A prank of some sort. Yes, he'd appear any moment now and tell her just that, explain that this was all a terrible misunderstanding...wouldn't he?

"For the record, he didn't share the same opinion of you." Naruto informed her. "To him, you were nothing. No, less than nothing."

Her right eye began to twitch. Violently. "I trust you have proof?"

"Don't need it." An empty cup sailed her way. "Half of Chaldea heard him shrieking. He hit me first."

"That still doesn't give you the right to slander-

CRUNCH.

A clenched fist slammed into the table, cratering it like flimsy paper mâché.

"Master." the word emerged from him as a growl. "Open your ears for a second and _listen._ You seem to be laboring under the impression that Lev was your friend. He was not. He was going to use you, discard you, and cast you aside for the sake of his goal. All without a second thought. Look up Chaldea's security footage if you must; I'm sure they had quite the show." If he had his way, you'd be ash right now, I'd be dead, and Chaldea would be in flames. Humanity would be gone. Think about that for a moment." her companion leaned forward, enunciating every word with poisonous anger. "He. Wanted. To. Kill. Us. Me. You. He had Chaldea fooled. He had everyone fooled."

"Except you, Senpai." Mash chirped helpfully.

"Not helping!" Naruto groaned.

"Sorry, Senpai."

Frantic, Olga clung to the last vestiges, the ruined scraps, of her pride. It couldn't be. She refused to accept it. To have been so easily deceived by one she held so dear, like a lamb led to the slaughter...it was galling. Without thinking, she lashed out at the very being trying to help her.

"B-But you're my Servant! You can't talk to me like this!"

A muscle jumped in that whiskered jaw.

"I am your Servant, yes." the blond's clipped tone told her all she needed to know; she'd made a grave mistake and overstepped her bounds. "My life is yours. And as such it is my duty to protect you. Even from yourself. If that makes you hate me then so be it. If you don't believe me, _so be it._ But by the Log you _will_ respect me. If not, then consider our contract terminated."

Olga jolted.

"I-

 _"Do not make me repeat myself!"_

A bitter chill raced down her spine as she gazed up into those crimson orbs. Reality proved a bitter pill to swallow; if her Servant decided to smack her pretty head right off her shoulders she wouldn't be able to stop him in time. Possibly not even with a Command Spell. She only possessed three after all, and they hadn't yet found a way to reliably replicate them. Using one now would irreparably damage their already frayed relationship. He was dozens of times stronger than her, faster, and clearly-though it galled her to admit it-wiser than she could ever hope to be. If he decided he no longer wished to serve her...then she was nothing. She wouldn't be able to fight, nor could she save humanity. Nothing. No, less than nothing...

Something broke deep inside her.

"Please...please don't...

Naruto didn't waver.

"Don't what?"

With that, Olga's quivering legs collapsed beneath her, sending the whitehead tumbling to her knees. Bitter tears gathered in her eyes and stubbornly, she blinked them away, shielding her face with her palms in a vain attempt to hide her shame from prying eyes. To no aval. A harsh, wrenching sob tore out of her as today's stress caught up with her all at once. It wasn't fair. She tried so hard, got so far, but in the end, it didn't matter. What good was she if her own _Servant_ wasn't willing to work with her? Was she truly that wretched?

"No...not without you...

Still her Servant stared her down, arms folded before his scarred torso.

"Without _me?"_ he queried. "I thought I was just a Servant?"

"I...I can't...I can't do this without you...

Just like that, his stormy expression softened.

In spite of her disbelief, the whiskered warrior stepped away from the table and dropped down on his haunches to face her.

"There it is. That's the expression I wanted to see; the real you. My Master." a marked hand settled against her shoulder as a baffled Mash looked on he fished a napkin off the table and presented it to her. "I'd sooner tear out my own heart than make you cry like that again."

"You say that as though you could do so and still survive." Olga croaked hoarsely. "You're _insane."_

"Probably." he pretended to consider her remark. "If I were at my peak, I could just snap my fingers and end all of this in an instant. But, even if I was, I wouldn't."

The heiress gawped at him.

"Why?!"

"Simple." those ice blue orbs did not melt. "I want the enemy to suffer. And they will. They'll bleed for everything they've done today. We all make mistakes, Master." that rough palm carefully massaged the small of her back, gently coaxing a fresh sob from her." What matters is that we learn from them. I think you've learned."

Olga sniffled and furiously scrubbed at her eyes with the back of hand.

...you can be incredibly sappy sometimes, you know that?"

Pearly white teeth flashed back at her in a cold smile.

"Yup. Now let's get ready to gut the bastard."

With that, he offered her his hand.

"Give me your orders, Master."

Quietly, she accepted it.

With those words, a strange feeling coalesced in Olga's breast. She shivered, welcoming it wholeheartedly. Not simply hate, for she'd never known the emotion before. Nor could it be called rage. Her emotions writhed and twisted like roiling pythons, ready to lash out and bite the one responsible to death. Ah, there it was. She understood it now. Resolve. This disaster had struck on her watch; thus it was her duty to deal with it. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and in that moment, Olga was feeling terribly, _horribly_ scorned.

Her golden gaze bored holes into her Servant.

"Lev...he made a fool of me." her once blank eyes flashed wildly. "He ruined my father's work...tried to destroy Chaldea...I'll kill him...you'll kill him...we'll kill him!"

Much to her chagrin, her Servant actually smiled. "Is that an order, then? You want me to kill your precious _Lev?"_

YES!

Command Spells pulsed furiously upon her palm, writhing as she raised her hand to utter her first order:

"As your Master, I command you! Kill Lev! Destroy him! Do whatever it takes!"

Naruto merely laughed and sketched a low, sweeping bow.

"Yes, my Master! Ah, I'm so glad I saved you~!"

"Wait, what do you mean _saaaaaaaved?!"_

Strong arms swept Olga into a crushing embrace even as she spoke, warping her words into a startled shriek. Her feet flew from the floor almost before she knew what was happening; it felt as though a bear trap had closed around her entire body, locking her arms into place. Try as she might she could not find the strength to escape. No, she nearly didn't want to; it felt as though she were being hugged by a sibling, a mad older brother of sorts...

And then, just like that, the mood shifted.

 _"Um, excuse me...?_

All eyes turned to face the speaker even as Naruto dropped Olga.

"As touching as this scene is," a soft, velvet voice interjected into the silence that followed, "Would any of you know where I could I could find the logistics division? I've just arrived and need to report in. I don't really know where I'm going here...

Mash blinked. "Who are you...?"

The newcomer frowned, her face screwing up in confusion.

"Well, I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru." she paused, considering. "I'm sorry, this _is_ Chaldea, right?"

"Oh, dear god~!"

Naruto burst out into startled laughter.

"Ha! I knew it! She's here early! What luck!"

Olga balked. "What? Who?! Naruto! What's gotten into you?!"

Aghast, she found herself gazing upon a slender slip of girl with a round face and bright golden eyes, her flame red hair bound back in a simple braid to the left side by a simple orange scrunchy. Clad in the uniform of Chaldea itself, she wouldn't have thought much of the newcomer under normal circumstances...were it not for her smile. There was something decidedly...off about it. It didn't reach her eyes. As though she gazed at the world through a looking glass, saw it, yet refused to interact with it. Not psychotic per se, but certainly not normal either. Then she caught sight of Naruto and Mash and those wide eyes _burned_ with fresh interest.

"You two seem...familiar." she purred. "Have we met?"

Mash winced.

Naruto laughed harder.

Fujimaru smiled awkwardly.

"I...don't suppose that's a yes?"

Olga felt a vein pulse furiously in her forehead.

"No, no, no! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Just who the devil are you?!"

The newcomer's arrival would only further cement the madness that was Chaldea.

 **A/N: Da Vinci and Olga were a treat to write.**

 **As were Mashu and Kadoc.**

 **And Gudako at the end.**

 **FEAR Gudako.**

 **But what I truly took pleasure in was beating the ever-living snot out of Lev. There we go.** **Naruto isn't omnipotent. Neither is Olga. Not everyone can be saved. But casualties can certainly be kept to a minimum.** **There we have it. Look forward to the chaos and hijinks ahead, folks!** **The singularity begins next chapter; in part because it felt wrong to include it here, and because this is as long as I dare to write without sleeping. Already starting to see stuff and the girlfriend's trying to claw me back from my computer, soooooooooo...**

 **Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to figure out how p-a-t-r-e-o-n works.**

 **Never used the darn thing before, so that'll be FUN.**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previeeeews!**

 **Potentials ones at that.**

 **Which do you like?**

 **(Previews)**

 _"Ha! Black Keys!"_

 _"I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON 'EM!"_

* * *

 _"Ohoho, this is just precious. Now then, Emiya-kun..._

 _Three pairs of glaring eyes rounded on him._

 _Archer swallowed thickly._

 _"I've blundered."_

* * *

 _"OhfuckmeIknowthatSaber-_

 _CRUNCH._

 _Mash winced as a distant mountain imploded._

* * *

 _"I'm nothing! No one!"_

 _"Even so, you have a place here!"_

* * *

 _The blond turned his head and spat a tooth._

 _"Better." was his only concession._

 _Then Altera saw stars._

* * *

 _"Senpai."_

 _"Hmmmmm?"_

 _"You're missing an arm."_

 _"Ah. So I am, Mash. So I am. Bit of a story there..._

 ** _R &R~!_**


	3. First Order (Part I)

**A/N: I'll be heading in for surgery by the time you all read this...**

 **...wish me luck!**

 **Right, fuck it, people have been pestering the crap out of me for the next chapter and there's no way in BLOODY HELL I'm going to have this done before my next surgery, so I'm breaking it into two parts to tide you over, dear readers!**

 **Here ya go~!**

 **Remember, this story is meant to be a silly work of ark. Don't take it too seriously, my friends.**

 **ALSO! I HAVE DISCOVERED THE GLORY THAT IS JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE.**

 **Holy crap this anime is seriously such a trip, I don't even...!**

 **Right, I'm rambling again. Sorry about that. Anyhow!**

 **Reviews feed the engine of my creation!**

 **Simple as that.**

 **I may write a serious version of this down the roade, but that's going to be REALLY hard considering the sheer mass of material that is Fate Grand Order.**

 **So for now, enjoy this silly little story.**

 **After all the second chapter was HUGE because of it! I haven't written a 15,000 whopper like that in awhile! And on Thanksgiving no less! Then toss in Black Friday and all that other crap. That made it even more difficult! Suppose that's why I only got half the reviews these past few days...**

 **...wow! Thanks! I did not expect that many reviews!**

 **Now onto the questions!**

 **As ever, I own nothing.**

 **I think these will do:**

 **Q: I just thought I'd let you know, if you give Naruto his mother's Adamantite Chains (or whatever they are), he could count as a Lancer. I mean, Enkidu does, when his weapon seems to be all chains..**

 **A: Well! You've given me an idea now, Quatermass!**

 **Q: Too many references and I don't like you bashing Galahad.**

 **A: *Sigh* Saw this coming. Naruto isn't bashing him. He's simply concerned given his knowledge of the events of Lost Room. Moreoever, this is NGH. References and jokes abound. If you want dark and gritty stuff check out Die Another Day or Prince of Darkness.**

 **Q: Is Lev dead?**

 **A: Aye, but not for good. He's persistent like that. Remember, Altera cut the bugger in half but he still came back. Which means we get to torture him more~!**

 **Q: SHE IS HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE LET THE CHAOS COMMENCE!**

 **A: Yeah, that about sums it up.**

 **Q: Why couldn't Naruto just get rid of the bombs?**

 **A: He only knew that they were under Olga's feet. He had no way of unearthing or removing them without drawing suspicion; thus, and its explained this chapter, he had no choice but to devise a way that would make the damage nonlethal. Of course, that still took most of the Masters out of commission when Lev used his fail-safe. Kadoc got lucky, Olga survived solely thanks to Naruto's tampering, as did Olphelia.**

 **Naturally, this puts their Lostbelts up in the air. That's the point.**

 **Why should one blindly stick to the formula and follow the story to the letter? Its gotta be fun~!**

 **Q: How in the HELL was Anastasia summoned this early?!**

 **A: It is said that the FATE system is unstable in the beginning. Unstable does not mean ineffective. Solomon was summoned through it, as were Galahad and Leonardo Da Vicni. In short, Kadoc rolled the gaccha and got VERY lucky. Or maybe a certain deity upped his luck. Who knows?**

 ***whistles innocently***

 **Q: Naruto can't control the gaccha...or can he?**

 **A: Not as one might think. Its literally luck-based. At best he can "make certain" a Servant appears rather than a craft essence and the like. But its so absurdly random that anyone could show up. A bit terrifying, that. If the Fate system isn't used widely, they might summon someone dangerous. Even then a catalyst is needed to guarantee the summoning of a certain Servant. For instance! If one wanted to GUARANTEE summoning Mordred, you'd need a fragment of the round table.**

 **Without that, its all up to chance.**

 **Fragments of Chaldea also inspired me with their concept of "Memorial Essences" a clever way of explaining away any duplicate servants while allowing the original-that is to say the current summoned version-to gain memories of past and alternate lives. I'm only up to chapter 20 there thus far. Why, you ask? BECAUSE ITS SO DAMN GOOD.**

 **Seriously, this is me officially throwing my hat into the ring and endorsing that story. Not only does it explore a lot of alternate paths but its currently sitting at a WHOPPING 80+ chapters. If you want a good FGO story then this is the best-in this one's humble opinion-that I've encountered.**

 **Check it out!**

 **Q: Clever. If Anastasia is summoned on the side of Chaldea, that means no deep freeze. No deep freeze means there is literally an ARMY of Servants.**

 **A: THIS Anastasia, at the very least, is on the side of Chaldea.**

 **Q: So we've got how many active masters now? How many are headed to the Fuyuki Singularity?**

 **A: In relative terms of Masters its would be:**

 **Olga/Naruto**

 **Kadoc/Anastasia**

 **Gudako/%* ^?**

 **Kadoc's out cold, as stated in the last chapter. He'll wake in this one.**

 **Q: Mashu warmed up to Naruto awfully quick. Is she awakened now? And why did Fou HISS at Naruto?**

 **A: Ah, but the same can be said of the Protagonist! She just needs some love and affection and she's good as gold. In case it wasn't obvious, she's going to awaken this chapter. Clearly Fou isn't normal; he knows what our lovable blond is and he doesn't like it at first, not one bit.**

 **And yes, she is indeed going to awaken of course.**

 **Q: Nice way to break Olga's stubborn streak. I always despised her attachment to Lev the LITERAL man who murdered her father and tried to do the same to her. Nice seeing her grow a spine; she rather reminded me of TFS's Integra.**

 **A: Was that bit ever confirmed? We really don't hear much about her old man. Still, she's not out of the woods yet, but she's nowhere near as strict now. And Integra? Hmm. Something to consider.**

 **Q: And now at long last we come to the First Singularity! Those Shadow Servants won't know what hit them.**

 **A: Considering that its an actual unified force PLUS Caster Cu? Its gonna be a blast to write next chapter.**

 **Now with that said, I do hope you'll stick around for the journey ahead.**

 **After all, this is going to be one hell of an adventure.**

 **Full of laughter, life, and of course, love~!**

 **THREE NEW SERVANTS HERE!**

 **But enough about that.**

 **Onto the story!**

 **Onward~!**

 _"Y'know, the multiverse is a funny thing. For example! The "me" your talking to right now exists in other realms. Other stories. Other versions. Other worlds. Each having their own adventures, living out their own lives, fighting their own wars, even as we speak. Some are being written right now. Likewise, the you that "we" know shouldn't fundamentally exist. You're alive now to be sure, but consider this. In the "true" story you were betrayed. You died. Yet you did not die, passed out of this realm, yet still continued to exist._ _You should take that counsel under consideration."_

 _"I've received no such counsel."_

 _"You are being counseled at this very moment."_

 _~?_

 **First Order (Part I)**

 _Dear journal,_

 _Gudako._

 _It would be fucking Gudako._

 _...I get the feeling I'm in for a bad time._

 _Why a female Ritsuka Fujimaru? WHYYYYY?!_

 _Right then, status check! All systems are go...mostly.  
_

 _Thanks in no small part to Da Vinci and me, we've got more Masters this time around. Olga, now somewhat reformed. Kadoc, once he comes around. And of course, our resident devil-and likely Gaccha addict-Gudako._ _If she's anything like a certain "someone" described her then I almost pity our enemies. And the Servants. Possibly both. She can't be, right? She can't possibly be that bad._

 _Even **I** have limits. _

_This one...she probably doesn't._

 _There's no length she won't go to, no amount of depravity she can't inflict if it means getting her way._ _Really, I'm okay with the male version. In fact, I'd prefer him at this point. Is too late for the universe to take her back? No?_

 _Balls._

 _That aside, we might have one or two stragglers, depending on who pulls through. Ophelia's the only candidate in stable condition at the moment. Nasty head wound, though. As to the rest of the would-be Crypters, they, unfortunately, aren't going to be seeing the light of day anytime soon. Don't know anything about THEM so they can go straight to hell for all I care. Maybe I should just slit their throats now. Save Chaldea some trouble down the line, ya know? Nah._ _Gonna feel like shit if Ophi actually dies from this._

 _I mean, I can see Kadoc as a little brother of sorts now, but I didn't even get to talk with her._

 _In hindsight, I'm amazed no one accidentally Rayshifted to Fuyuki in the midst of all this. Suppose there's some luck in all that. Means we won't have to worry about anyone once we get underway. Honestly my memory of that first singularity is still a bit hazy. Guess we'll see what changed and what didn't. After all, we're going in with an extra Servant this time around. Would've been three, but 'ol Kadoc's still out cold. Pity. I'd rather like to converse with the famed Anastasia one of these days. Suppose I'll do that when we get back. Maybe then I can actually start having some fun around here._

 _Rubble's been cleared away and Mash's ready now; seems my meddling's gone and woken Galahad up. Heh. Was funny seeing everyone's reaction to that._

 _Bit of a motley crew, but the rest of us have suited up. We're set whenever the time suits us._

 _Still, can't hurt to try one more summoning before we head out._

 _Because a certain soooooooomeone just can't resist!_

 _Time to bust out the 'ol shield and let 'er rip!_

 _Still, wonder how the kid's doing..._

 _...bah, he's probably fine._

* * *

 **(...0o0o0...)**

* * *

 _Kadoc woke up._

The fact that he was able to do so at all came as something of a surprise for the the young magus; he'd half-expected never to be open his eyes again. That he'd managed to do so served as a substantial shock to his system; none moreso than the crippling pain in his chest. Then came the gentle tug against his magic circuits, a faint, almost familiar pull, bringing with it a stark reminder of what he'd done. Pain. This was the first indication that something had gone terribly, horribly wrong.

Or had it gone horribly right?

The was one way of looking at it, he supposed.

 _'Hmm. Perspective is in the eye of the beholder after all..._

Squinting against the wan lights of the infirmary, the battered mage struggled to recall what had led him to this moment. His aching body offered few clues as to what had transpired down below, but his mind proved quick to recover from the shock that had sundered his psyche. In hindsight, he almost wished it hadn't. A bitter wave of remembrance crashed down around his ears, forcing him to recall the precise moment-the exact instant in time-when the universe began to conspire against him. No, not the universe. Him. That man.

 _Him._

That Catalyst.

The Summoning Chamber.

An explosion that rattled the whole of Chaldea and the crushing anxiety that followed once he realized he might be the only survivor left. He'd fallen, struck his head on something sharp. Then...darkness, punctuated by the numbing void of dreamless slumber. Because of that not only had he failed to summon a Servant, but he'd likely-to his knowledge-be the sole suspect should anyone escape said explosion. Judging by his bandaged head he suspected someone had attended to him; though this only blackened his mood further still.

Really, it was all that bastard's fault.

 _"Are you awake, my Master?"_ A soft voice inquired.

...oh, what fresh forsaken hell had he fallen into this time?!

Thus Kadoc was quite surprised, yes, _quite surprised indeed_ to find his head resting not upon a lumpy pillow as he'd expected, but something far softer. A soft sigh pervaded the silence of the infirmary, gently tickling into his still-ringing ears. Gentle hands cupped either side of his head with great care, idly stroking his hair. Soft palms traced across his aching body, cooling his cranium, easing the pain. Relief.

Aghast, he tried to right himself, but those hands were iron bands, holding him fast.

"Please, do not move."

A maiden in white...an angel? No, not quite.

Whomever she was, she was absolutely gorgeous. "Who the devil are you?"

Ice blue eyes gazed back at him in quiet stoicism, framed within a pale face. Her expression was decidedly...blank, all things considered. Reserved, even. As though even now she were actively trying to distance herself from him despite her ministrations. A strange, almost regal air emanated from her, one he couldn't quite quantify. Who was she, then? And why was she tending to him?

...Servant, Caster." she whispered in soft response, her words a reedy hum. "I...treated your injuries."

Momentarily agog, the battered magus gaped up at her. "And I summoned you?"

A quiet bob of her head was the Servant's sole assent.

Pride blazed to life in Kadoc's chest; a fierce inferno equal parts joy and relief. No longer would the others laugh at him. No longer would he be mocked for his lack of ability. He'd done it. By jove, _he'd actually done it._ Through some measure of mana, luck-or that blond bastard's incessant interference-he'd successfully summoned a Servant. Not only that, but one of the Caster class. For all her soft-spoken demeanor he could feel the contract between them, and through it, the power she'd commanded. Difficult for his senses to grasp perhaps, but potent nonetheless. He couldn't have drawn a better card if he'd tried. Speaking of which...

Wait.

Wait a second.

Wait one bloody minute!

Grimacing, he righted himself.

"Where the hell did that bastard go?!"

As if to answer that very question, the whole of Chaldea shook.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" a distance voice cackled! "HOW DID YOU SUMMON HER?!"

* * *

 **(...Mere Moments Earlier...)**

* * *

The light swelled.

Gudako all but cackled.

 _"Yessssssss! Here it comes~!"_

A writhing vortex of blue radiance spiraled and twisted upon the pedestal as the lever was primed; once, twice, three times. Brilliant tendrils of light manifested themselves into a lone ring. As all assembled looked on said light gradually assumed a solid shape of sorts, even as the system cycled once more. Bright enough to burn, it nevertheless roared on, burgeoned by each passing moment. Like a newborn's heartbeat, so too dd it pulse with new life for the first time, gradually resolving and taking shape.

It was, Olga considered, an utter waste of resources.

Made all the more disturbing by the fact that a certain Ritsuka Fujimar-aka Gudako-was all but writhing with glee as she awaited the end result. It was...a little concerning all told. For someone who confessed to be little more than an average magus, she was far, far, _far_ too eager to meet her first Servant. Well. Apparently Naruto and Mash didn't count in that regard. Honestly, she was beginning to think the girl was a bit...unbalanced.

"Naruto...remind me. _Why_ are we letting her do this again?" she muttered aside.

Her Servant sighed, never once taking his gaze from the grinning girl.

"Just let her get it out of her system. Better this way."

"You _do_ realize this will, in all likelihood, fail"

His smile grew a fraction of an inch.

 _"Spectacularly."_

"Wait, wha-

As though waiting for that precise moment, the redhead groaned in abject horror; no, she absolutely _hissed_ as she gazed upon her prize.

Rather than the Servant she'd expected-or swooned over-she found herself gazing at a trio of red hilts bearing thin blades of prana. At first she didn't recognize them, but no, her mind was all too quick to bring the curtain down on her hopes and dreams. They were-for one such as her-completely, useless. Wholly unremarkable, given her limited expertise. Of course, Naruto's howl of laughter didn't help matters any.

 _"Ha! Black Keys!"_

Shrieking, she snatched one up and flung it a this head.

 _"Baaaaaaaaaaaastaaaaaaaaaaard! Here! HOPE YOU CHOKE ON 'EM!"_

To her dismay the blond made no effort to dodge; rather he stoically accepted her assault, uncaring as it slammed into his shoulder. As luck would have it, her fears were for naught. Rather than gasp, his lips pursed into a thin frown and he plucked the thin weapon from his flesh with the ease of a practiced surgeon. Admiring it for a moment, he cast it away with a dull clatter.

"Was that really necessary?"

"Quiet, you!" exasperated, she flung a finger into his face. "Why didn't it work?! You said it would!"

"No, I said it _wouldn't_ it won't work for you on your first try," the blond replied, propping himself up against the wall, rolling his formerly impaled arm with a stiff motion. "It never does. Gaccha's got rules after all. It only stands to reason that it wouldn't let you summon another Servant so soon after little Anastasia joined the fold. So four Servants it is, those four being myself, Mash, Anastasia and, well...

...we don't have four Servants for this sortie, Naruto." Olga felt the need to point out. "Just you and Mash. Caster won't leave Kado's side, remember?"

Blue eyes crinkled in a slight smile.

"So we'll try again."

A pang of dread stabbed through Animusphere's chest as she beheld that smile. No. No, no, no! She knew that look. That look was nothing good! In the short span she'd spent with her admittedly recalcitrant Servant, she had come to recognize certain...mannerisms about him. His penchant for mischief. That telltale gleam in his eyes whenever he was up to something. This was one of those times.

"Absolutely not!" she railed right back when he reached for the lever. "One of you is bad enough; we don't need another!"

"Pssh!" the blond scoffed and batted her hand aside with almost contemptuous ease. "Who says a Servant can't summon a Servant! 'Sides, the kid's fine with it!"

Ritsuka flung up a hand to ward off their glares.

"Oh, no you don't! Leave me out of this!"

A muscle jumped in the blond's jaw.

"Don't wanna~!"

Before she could think to stop him he seized Ritsuka by the hand, forcibly laid said hand upon the lever, and sent the FATE system sparking back to life.

Three rings of light blossomed as the unlikely quartet looked on, the chamber igniting into a fresh maelstrom of wrath and power. A keening shriek arose from the vortex within, forcing all present to cover their ears lest they be deafened altogether. Even then the noise only intensified, like the chorus of a thousand damned souls all wailing out at once. Louder and louder it grew, building into a rising crescendo, a horrid climax that rattled Chaldea to its very foundations, a din so piercing, a song so terribly, horribly beautiful that it threatened to bring the very ceiling down upon them.

Just as swiftly, the smoke cleared; revealing their newest ally.

Naruto groaned into the palm of his now-marked hand.

A pair of stark, curved seals greeted him.

"Shit."

The newcomer bore the appearance of a young girl with mid-back length pink hair tied with purple ribbons and striking blue eyes. Her slender figure lay clad in a strange, hybridized outfit of sorts; if one had to give it a name they'd likely call it some sort of absurd, cyber-goth-loli dress. Bearing white detached sleeves, and a circular skirt featuring several belts on the top connected to a collar that covered her chest area alongside knee-high shoes with two sharp spikes.

A long draconic tail swished behind her black as her frilly dress, idly lashing against the ground.

If one were to ignore the long pink claws in place of fingers, she looked almost human...but to claim such one would also have to erase the towering horns jutting from her head. Those protruding fangs, even now curved in a slight, albeit confused smile.

In hindsight, he was almost grateful he'd sent Mashu to Roman for that checkup...

...he doubted she'd find this amusing.

"Servant, Lancer! Are you my new manager?" her eager, exuberant voice rose to sunder the silence. "Please take care of me from now on, okay?"

"Well, this is ionic."

Elizabeth Bathory blinked.

"Ha? Excuse me? Aren't you being a little rude?"

With a long suffering sigh and-somewhat to Olga's satisfaction-the Foreigner ignored her entirely and turned to face _her._ The slight twitching of his otherwise pleasant smile was the first sign that something had gone terrible, horribly wrong. Then again, it was almost worth it to see the normally unflapable blond so distressed.

"Well, Master!" He growled, "I just became the Master of a murderous dragon loli. Suppose you're going to say "I told you so" or somesuch?"

Try as she might otherwise, Olga smiled.

For all his quirks, Naruto possessed one endearingly quality that she admired; he was honest to a fault. Off his rocker and wholly insane perhaps, but still. Honest. Kicking him while he was down was not only beneath her, but it sullied her pride as a magus. Very well. She'd play along with his little ruse, if only to learn more about their...guest.

"Should we just dismiss her, then?"

"Hweh?!" the pinkette squeaked. "No, don't do that!"

"Eh, its not that she's a _bad_ girl per se," The Foreigner thumbed his chin in consideration. "Don't get me wrong, she's a murderer. She killed and killed and _killed_ until she was finally caught and sentence for her crimes. A bittersweet tale, to be sure. But as a third party, you can't help but feel pity for her. She was brought up immorally, became irrational because of it, which led to her bloody...interests. However!"

...you're going off on a tangent, Naruto." Olga warned.

"Y'know, multiverse theory's a right _bitch."_ Ignoring her, the blond rambled right on, steamrolling her protests. "For example! The "me" your talking to right now exists in other realms. Other stories. Other versions. Other worlds. Each having their own adventures, living out their own lives, fighting their own wars, even as we speak. Some are being written right now. Likewise, the you that "we" know shouldn't fundamentally exist. You're alive now to be sure, but consider this. In the "true" story you were betrayed. You died. Yet you did not die, passed out of this realm, yet still continued to exist. You should take that counsel under consideration."

A pale brow rose.

"I've received no such counsel."

"You are being counseled at this very moment." the whiskered warrior countered.

Olga sighed at that smug, almost superior tone. "Is there a point to this rambling of yours or are we going to be here all day?"

"The point, my little Master," her Servant amended with a frown, "Is that a story's ending is seldom set in stone. For better or worse, we summoned her. Might as well make use of her."

The pinkette allowed herself to relax a fraction of an inch.

"W-W-Well! I'm glad to see you made the right decision, whiskers!"

Her new Master twitched.

Phew. For a moment she'd almost feared they were going to send her straight back to the throne. Or burn her. That blondie might be a bit of a chatterbox, but at least he recognized talent when he saw it. Yes, in her mind she genuinely believed she'd done nothing wrong; nay, that they should be privileged-honored!-to summon someone like her. And if she grew bored of him...she'd just kill him. It never once occurred to her how wholly, pathetically weak she was when compared to the titan looming over her.

"Oh, and Liz?"

Blue eyes gleamed red.

Aaaaaaaand there went her confidence.

"If you misbehave, I'm locking you in an iron maiden."

"Hyeek!" the poor thing squeaked. "Yes, master! Sorry Master!"

"Wait a minute," Gudako posited, "Um, why is the system still active?"

Thus it came as something of a surprise when they realized the system had yet to cycle back down.

With a soft hum it sprang back to life, bust into a column of light, and faded just as quickly. Indeed, one could even call it tame by comparison to Lancer's chaotic entrance. There was no mighty fanfare for this summoning whatsoever. No great chorus. Nothing. A simple pulse of life and smoke...

...then she emerged.

Fujimaru half-expected another monster.

Pain blazed up her palm in response, imprinting it with Command Spells.

"Wait." her mind blanked, struggling to make sense of this unexpected outcome. "Wait, wait, wait! Did I just summon...

Instead they gazed upon someone else altogether. An ethereal beauty fair of face and dark of hair. Her clothing could scarcely be called such; near transparent golden curves showing off a generous bosom and flowing curves. Her exotic appearance-those long, slender legs exposed for all the world to see-could easily bewitch men and women alike. She was in a word, beautiful. Seduction incarnate. Full lips quirked into a small, satisfied smile as she looked on, aghast.

"Servant, Assassin." the young woman sketched an graceful bow. "My true name is Mata Hari. Excuse me for I am not a Hassan. "Hmmm…

She tilted her head and paused, perhaps sensing their incredulity, or rather, their reactions to come.

...furthermore, I'm truly sorry," she acquiesced, "But I am unable to fight."

"Right," Naruto hummed. "There it is. I fully expected that one...

"Ha!? But aren't you an Assassin?!" Ritsuka exclaimed!

Bright eyes rounded on her in an instant.

"Well! Aren't you a cutie...

Gudako gulped softly.

"Oh, fuck me."

Mata Hari beamed.

 _"Is that an invitation?"_

 **A/N: ENJOY THE MADNESS! By the time you read this, I'll likely be in for surgery.**

 **Or drugged out of my mind.**

 **Hmm.**

 **Funny how life works.**

 **And there we are.**

 **The next chapter has the real meat of the matter; this is just the prelude to it.**

 **...and unsurprisingly Chaldea is starting to swell with Servants. I'll say it right now, we won't see EVERY version of a Servant. For example, Medb. IF I use her and that's a big bloody if-it'll only be one version, that being her Rider counterpart. Conversely we might see others. Some, but not all, ya know?**

 **On another note I'm working on the Caster for Calling All Heroes (And Villains!)**

 **Thus far, I've narrowed it down to these five:**

 **Meruem. Kaiba. Dio. Lelouch. Ains.**

 **Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to figure out how p-a-t-r-e-o-n works.**

 **Never used the darn thing before, so that'll be FUN.**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previeeeews!**

 **Potentials ones at that.**

 **Which do you like?**

 **(Previews)**

 _"You thought it was Saber but it was me, Naruto! And yes! This IS a Jojo reference!"_

 _...somebody stab him." Olga muttered._

 _"Won't that kill him, my lady?"_

 _"Meh. He's durable."_

 ** _"Hey!"_**

* * *

 _"Really? You tanked that hit pretty well, I'd say."_

 _When she reached into her core she was startled to find something had stirred there. Awakened. Her silent prayers had been answered._

 _"Did you do something, Senpai?"_

 _Naruto whistled innocently._

 _"Nothing much."_

* * *

 _"Serious? About this? Yeah, I suppose I could be. But then it wouldn't nearly be as fun."_

 _"Then why are you even here if you're hardly going to help us?!"_

 _"Eh, consider me a hard counter to the final boss."_

 _With a sharp clap, he pivoted on one heel._

 _"Now then...Imma go for a walk."_

 _"Naruto, you ramen-loving-bastard you get back here or by my Command Spell...!  
_

 _"Lalalalalala! Can't hear you, Master!"_

* * *

 _''It always starts with one. That's how justification works. But once you justify something once, you can do it again and again. It becomes easier. Right and wrong blur.'_

 _"And what would you know about that?!"_

 _"Honey...you have no idea."_

* * *

 _"Tell me, what happens when you give a Caster time to prepare a chant?"_

 _A lone finger rose._

 _"In a word..._

 _...hell."_

* * *

 _"No. No, no, no!" Ritsuka twitched. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me..._

 _"Saber, Gilles de Rais. I have come at your request._

 _Naruto howled._

 _"Oh, this is perfect!" With a mad cackle he toppled backwards, legs kicking into the air. "I just...I can't even...ha! You got Gilles! Of all people!"_

 ** _R &R~!_**


	4. When in Doubt (Interlude)

**A/N: SOD IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!**

 **Power's out as I'm writing this author's note; using battery power to pen this one out. Here I was hoping to give ya'll an update before work, but now it seems that'll have to wait until later this evening. Needless to say I'm not a happy camper right now...not to mention the fact that I had to be up early. And of course, I come back to find everything dark...!**

 **As ever, "Fragments of Chaldea by GhostXavier" is a masterful story and fills with me with inspiration and determination.**

 **Give his stuff a read, you'll love it! He's got loads of good stuff~!**

 **Now then where was I...?**

 **I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE~!**

 **Feels good to get back to one of my crown jewels, even if I updated it only four months ago. My health hasn't been the best as of late, but my morale's improved...even with the soul-crushing events of Endgame and Game of Thrones. Holy crap those were some spirit breakers; I'd be lying if I said I was wholly prepared for them. Speaking of movies, whose excited for John Wick?! Or better yet Godzilla?!**

 ***dances happily***

 **FORWARD~!**

 **We've got a lot of ground to cover, but someone suggested I try a more character-focused chapter. So here we are;** **a brief little interlude/chapter to grease the gears while I head off to work. I do apologize for the delay; this isn't the first time I've worked multiple jobs before and I doubt it'll be the last. But we all have to make ends meet one way or another and as writing is still very much a hobby for me-soon to be a profession hopefully-I have to keep the lights on and food on the table.**

 **Right then, I think I've rambled enough.**

 **Worry not, Chaldea will be springing to life quite soon.**

 **Once more, the disclaimer; I own no references nor quotes and the like...**

 **It is my firm belief that Elizabeth and Mata Hari are terribly entertaining and no one can tell me otherwise~!**

 _"Humanity can be many things. Selfish, cruel, spiteful..._

 _...but at the end of the day, we can also be good._

 _Trust in that goodness. Believe in it."_

 _~?_

 **When in Doubt (Interlude)**

Rayshifting was a...novel experience.

Being deconstructed at the cellular level and re-manifested in another era was disconcerting to begin with. Even the most stalwart of souls found themselves nauseous upon their first shift. But for Olga Marie Animusphere, who had never before experienced it-indeed, for one who had lacked the ability to shift until recently-the sudden stress of such unorthodox travel initially proved too much for her to bear. Her keen intellect was more than willing to endure the strain of it, but the rest betrayed her. To quote, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

Needless to say, her body disagreed.

Rather violently at that.

 _"Bleeergh!"_

No sooner had they arrived than Olga shamefully doubled over and lost the last remnants of breakfast. Harsh Color flooded her cheeks as she fought to bring herself back under control, but her queasy stomach stubbornly countermanded that order and defied her yet again in another heave. Oh gods, this was horrible. _She wanted to die._ With each passing second she felt her pride as a magus wilt away into nothing. Everyone could see her making a complete and utter _ass_ of herself yet there was simply nothing she could do to stop it.

"Yuck!" Distantly, she was aware of Elizabeth's strangled yelp. "Why on my _dreeesss~?!"_

 _'Shut up, Lancer! I'm not trying to ohnohereitcomesagain!'_

Naruto's hand held back the snow-white curtain of Olga's hair as her stomach declared malicious mutiny once more. The other massaged the small of her back in slow easy circles, bringing with it a momentary pall of relief as she gagged anew. Mercifully, the Servant didn't disparage her this moment of weakness and for that, the aspiring heiress was eternally grateful. It was only when he finally dared to speak his mind that she found herself able to recover.

"Make it stop," she croaked, cursing her sore throat.

"Didn't know you'd get sick. Here." the self-proclaimed deity hummed. "One anti-nausea spell coming right up."

A faint green glow suffused the corners of her vision, lending her the strength to stand. In a rare show of character Naruto actually helped her to her feet and steadied her until she waved him off. He demurred happily and turned to escort a distraught Elizabeth as she fussed over her dress.

Steadying herself, she found anxious gazes waiting for her when she arose.

Indeed, a certain dragon girl was hiding behind Naruto and glaring at her as though she were a poisonous snake. It likely had something to do with her ruined dress.

"You're feeling better, right?" the little songstress scowled, her tail thrashing with scarcely concealed concern. "You're not going to get sick on me again, right? I mean, you kind ruined my-OW!"

Her babbling died a swift death as Naruto delivered a swift chop to the back of the head with a taut hand. The pitiful cry she gave almost made Olga feel bad for the younger Servant. Almost. Poor thing. She almost looked like a kicked puppy. Somehow she suspected Naruto had wounded Elizabeth's pride, rather than her body.

"What was that for, Manager?!" she cried, rubbing her aching skull.

Assassin sighed with a rueful smile. "I think you know."

"Not you too! Mashu! Back me up here!"

The Shielder offered a small shrug.

"Sorry, I'm with Senpai on this."

 _"Traitors, the lot of you~!"_

With these, they were already fielding several Servants-including the recently empowered Mashu-which hopefully put them at something of an advantage. Unfortunately by her own account, Mata Hari simply wasn't suited for physical combat. Despite her minimal drain on Fujimaru's circuits, she wouldn't be of any real use in this singularity. Still, she'd tagged along, if only because her poor Master looked positively crushed at the thought of traversing her first Singularity alone.

Speaking of Ritsuka, she'd been awfully silent for awhile now...

Sure enough, she found the flame-haired magus not far from her chosen Servant. She stood with her back to them, her shoulders rigid beneath her jumpsuit. Distracted as she was by the unlikely quartet, Olga didn't notice the blank expression etched into her fellow Master's face until it was far too late.

...this can't be real." she murmured.

"What can't? All I see are a few burning...buildings...

Only then did the proud Master finally see the hell they'd fallen into.

Yes, that was an apt word for it, all things considered. _Hell._ A desolate wasteland. The sky itself was red with flames and the sun had long since hidden its face behind crimson clouds. The streets themselves were utterly devoid of life, the pavement upturned and cracked as though an incredible force had been brought to bear upon it. Ruined buildings stood scorched and pitted, all but devoid of life. Fires raged in the distance, the choking, cloying scent of burnt flesh mingling with strange statues scattered about-

Olga planted a hand over her mouth as she reached the same conclusion Gudako had.

These were not statues as she'd first surmised; these were _people,_ beings frozen in the last instants of their life, many of them ghastly indeed. Hand stretched out imploringly in search of help that would never come, their faces wracked with horror as they fled from someone. Or something. Some were rendered into stone. Others, little more than charred husks, like their surroundings. As if the whole world had been branded by flame, the embers of which even now still smoldered in the sundered streets, waiting to spring to life at any given moment.

This was the fate of humanity.

This was a world gone terribly, horribly wrong.

She'd thought to approach her first Singularity from a rational angle; to distance herself emotionally from the trials that would come. Only now did she realize just how impossible that was. You couldn't gaze at this many corpses and not feel something. To do so would be inhuman, and for all her faults and

"I think I'm going to be sick again...

Here she glimpsed a mother clutching a babe to her breast, shielding her from some unknown horror. There she spied a father reaching to snatch up a fallen child. There, a woman flinging herself in front of another. All frozen in time, in stone, in ash and death and broken flesh. Where had they gone wrong? How many people had died here? How many innocents were given to the flames? Was anyone left alive? Anyone at all? Surely they couldn't all be dead...?

No, something _was_ moving, stirring amongst the rubble.

A survivor?

Olga's first thought was to scamper forward-again her empathy betrayed her-despite Naruto's shout. Why was he telling her to stay back? Was he truly that heartless? Her hands tore at the burning debris, pulling aside a shattered stone heedless of the shouting at her back, thinking only to help, only to aid whomever was trapped beneath.

Only when she reached the "survivor" did Olga realize her error.

It wasn't human.

Empty eyes of a hollow skeleton gazed back at her mere moments before the knife bit into her cheek Without thinking she snapped off a gandr at the creature, the cursed bullet blasting through its spindly frame. Another arose beside her, clad in the ruined rags of what might've been clothes, once. With a yelp Olga skittered backwards on her hands like a drunken crab-

"Pay attention little squirrel!"

Lancer bounded forward and brought her weapon down on the creature before it could reach her, effortlessly bisecting those yellowed nails before they could reach her.

The rest fell in short order, be it to fist or sound or spell.

For all their ghastly appearance they were barely armed at all and night but unarmored; no matter for heroic spirits. Least of all the two beside her. Even Fujimaru and Mata Hari proved themselves capable of dispatching these weak undead with relative ease despite their numbers. As quickly as the shortlived assault had begun, so too did it end.

Naruto's firm hand settled upon her shoulder, followed by a familiar voice.

"Take a moment if you need it," Naruto murmured. "if something like this didn't affect you, I wouldn't consider you a worthy Master. Seeing it through a screen's one thing, but to witness it in person...

Olga wasn't at all surprised to find her troublesome Servant once more at her side, but she did frown at his less-than-pleasant tone. Something about this Singularity was irking him, though she knew not what. For all his claims of divinity and nigh-on-omnipotence, he still revealed startling flashes of humanity from time to time. Somewhat discontent with the sudden diatribe, Olga risked a glance up at Naruto and frowned.

"You know something don't you, Naruto?" when he didn't deny her, she pressed the point home. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"Seems he was a bit sturdier than I thought." came the recalcitrant reply.

Olga wrinkled her nose as they moved deeper into the city.

"Who?"

Her Servant didn't deign to answer at first, but she recognized his posture all too well. There was a loose, regal grace in his movements, but his eyes betrayed him. They flitted from one building to the next, searching for targets. Much to her chagrin Elizabeth stubbornly placed herself at her side, neither in front of nor behind her. Even Mata Hari moved closer, pulling a sullen Fujimaru after. Perhaps they sensed the sudden change in the air, the dread silence that fallen over the sundered city.

Naruto inhaled deeply, scenting the air.

"Lev." the word emerged as a growl. "He's here. I can smell him."

Olga hissed out a squeak of a breath. "Excuse me?! I'm sorry, what did you just say-

A finger found her lips, silencing the startled magus even as she glowered impotently at him and blond brow rose in response. "We have to take his survival into account of course," he spoke into the subsequent stillness, "This singularity probably won't be what we expected-not if he knows we're coming. He'll likely throw everything he has at us from the start. Those mobs we encountered a few minutes ago? They're going to be the least of our worries in a minute.

The last Animusphere found herself floored by this revelation, so much so that it briefly stole her words away. She couldn't find it in herself to shout, to rage, or even denounce him for taking the lead from her and making a judgement call of his own. Going by his faint smile she suspected he'd already laid his own plans to prevent it. Hadn't he? For all his claims and her "order" Naruto had prove himself treacherously hard to read. She had no fear of him betraying her of course, rather, her concerns stemmed from the actions he'd take to protect her...but that remained to be seen.

Steeling herself, the Master rounded on her Servant. "Can you kill him this time?"

...possibly?" the blond shrugged. "Won't know unless I really give it my all. Could work. We good to go, then?"

"But what about my clothes?!" Lancer whined as Olga reluctantly came back to herself. "These stains will never come out!"

"Oh, hush." Naruto clicked his tongue. "I'll fix it right now."

From this angle Olga didn't see whatever odd magic her Servant worked, but by the time she turned Elizabeth sported a pristine, vomit-free dress. With a delighted twirl the little songstress spun proudly in place, her tail sashaying behind her like some eager beast. A stray skeleton arose from the rubble and she swatted it down with a demented giggle.

"Oooh~!" the pinkette preened, giving herself a once-over. "Nice! That's handy!"

Mata Hari beamed as he performed a similar service on her part. "Remind me to find you if I ever stain my dress!"

"Well!" Naruto rolled his eyes in mild consternation, "I'm glad you lovely ladies are enjoying those _clean_ clothes, because they're about to get dirty again...

Elizabeth stiffened. "Hweh?"

A lone finger indicated a distant point on the horizon.

...it memory serves, _and it does,_ the attack will come in three, two, one...!"

Gudako turned her head. "Wait, what _is_ that?!"

As if waiting for that very statement a crimson star rocketed up in the distance from a nearby building. All eyes turned toward that brilliant burst of light from afar, watching as it soared ever upward into the heavens like a brilliant firework. A vicious shot, loosed with murderous intent. But rather than detonate in a short-lived burst of light as some might expect, it completed its graceful arc and grew larger still, swooping down towards then as a falling star...

Assassin realized what was about to transpire a heartbeat before the Masters. "Incoming! Move _move_ _**MOVE!"**_

...and descended on the Chaldeans in the form of a thousand twisted arrows.

Naruto merely grinned.

"Mashu!"

With a harsh clang the young Shielder interposed her stern bulwark between the Masters and the deadly rain. Not a moment too soon. Olga had half an instant to glimpse Naruto beneath the deluge as Elizabeth and Mata Hari into the rubble dove for cover. Rather than tuck his head and hide, the stubborn blond simply spread his arms and roared in defiance.

"Over here, EMIYA!"

The enemy showed him no mercy.

No sooner had he spoken than the enemy Archer riddled him with arrows from head to toe, rendering the stubborn Servant little more than an inhuman pincushion as he was driven to his knees. Naruto staggered, spun in place and nearly off his feet. As quickly as the assault began, so too did it cease. That was death, surely. Nothing could possibly survive a barrage like that, not even a Servant, surely...

 _ **"Nice try, Archer! Next time bring your A-game!"**_

...thus it came as quite the horrific surprise when her Servant simply shook himself like a wet dog and dislodged the iron steel from his body. Though his body bled from countless wounds, he rolled his shoulders and stood without care. His body swayed in place like a broken puppet severed from its strings. Rather than the scowl she'd expected, she found only maddened mirth awaiting her. Ruined flesh molded itself back together in spite of his grievous wounds; indeed, by the time he'd taken his third step, he wasn't even limping anymore.

"There you are, bastard!" the Alter Ego crowed exultantly, planting a hand to his forehead as he peered at a sundered building. "Found you!"

He paused just long enough to snap off a salute. "Lizzie! You're in charge until I get back! Keep the little squirrel safe! Gudako, too!"

"That nickname is _not_ going to stick, do you hear me?!"

Olga could _feel_ the glee radiating off him in waves; like an eager dog ready to leap off its leash and run wild. She supposed she couldn't blame him. He finally had a chance to show her what he was capable of. Naturally, he wasn't about to waste it. Ordering him otherwise would simply be a waste of a Command Spell...and frankly she doubted one would even slow him at this point. Sure enough, the whiskered warrior spun in place, his gaze snapping to a distant point on the burning horizon.

"Oh, Aaaaaaaaaaarcher!"

Naruto didn't leap.

 _He lunged._

With a piercing war cry that rattled the very heavens themselves, he gathered his legs beneath him and leaped; hurtling towards the archer's position with sound and aplomb, cackling like a mad god all the while. Olga didn't have it in her to stop him; rather she _couldn't,_ because the sheer force behind said leap had just knocked her and everyone else firmly on their rears. Of Naruto there remained naught but a distant amber speck on the skyline, one that smashed headlong through several buildings as the sniper unleashed a fresh barrage. In that, they were fortunate that their adversary didn't think to target them.

The enemy Archer was...less so.

CRUNCH.

A deafening crack resonated in Emiya's tainted ears as his once pristine scenario began to crumble underfoot. True to form he dispelled his bow and drew his blades as the enemy Servant landed in a pointed crouch before him. They availed him not. It should've been easy. They'd been warned by _that man_ about Chaldea; about what-who!-was coming for them. Yet even then Saber hadn't taken the threat seriously. Of course she hadn't. All she cared about was the Grail; of maintaining this timeline.

Reinforced steel should've bit deep into exposed flesh; instead his deadly blades shattered like brittle glass as he brought them down on the young man's back. Those eerie, mismatching eyes rounded on him in response and twin fists smashed into his abdomen to crater his armor and hurl him backwards into sundered scaffolding.

"Ohoho, that was just precious." a voice purred as he fought to climb upright from his tomb of tortured steel. "Now then, Emiya-kun...I'm going to give you one chance. Surrender. Now."

When he tried to rise, he saw it.

Belatedly he realized the blond had drawn a weapon of his own; a massive, ghastly cleaver nearly as large as he was tall. With the merest of ease the horned Servant slung the weapon over his shoulder and waited for his eventual recovery. Despite his plight, a rare note of discord plucked at the archer's visage.

"Big sword. Compensating for something?"

"And there's that Emiya wit!" the young man hummed. "To answer you, no, Zabuza's blade just felt...appropriate. A final send off for you."

"Sorry." he drew anew as the blond hurricane descended upon him. "I've never been one to die easily."

"Pity." that gaze grew hard. "I would've liked to work with you, rather than against you for once."

What in blazes did that mean? The horned Servant had spoken just now as if he knew him. Impossible. He would've recalled a monster like this. Yet the faintest sense of nostalgia plucked at his heart-strings still and he couldn't help but feel as though _this had happened before._ In another time. Another place. Another life. How many times had they crossed blades? How many times had he fallen to someone wearing that same face that-was-not-his-face? The memory tickled the back of his brain but refused to emerge despite Emiya's prodding.

...why do I always have the worst luck these days?" he exhaled in a long-suffering sigh as he tumbled out of the way of a deceptively agile swing.

"Don't be like that." the newcomer laughed and stormed after him. "Cu usually has it worse than you."

In the distance, he thought he heard a shout. Probably his imagination.

Three clashes settled their ill-fated dispute.

Three swings of the sword.

Three strikes.

The first crashed through his guard like an avalanche, obliterating both his right sword and the arm holding it in one smooth stroke. Grimacing against the pain and the laughter that chased it down, Archer spun and struck out erratically with his remaining left, only for that massive wall of metal to once more interpose itself between him and the blond's throat, denying him his kill. Then came the second, ripping through his collarbone like sandpaper. Dark arterial blood burst before his vision and he staggered, stumbling forward _into_ the blade in spite of what he knew to be a fatal wound, knowing if he could _just get close enough-_

When the third found his torso and cut him in half-casting him to the floor-he was still clinging to that ill-fated hope.

Shadow Servant though he was, Emiya still possessed some awareness of his self and thus, a keen sense of self-preservation. Even so he fought on. Even tainted by the Grail he wasn't some mindless fop would throw himself headlong into the fray just for the hell of it. He knew at once that fighting this Servant-this thing!-would be suicide. He'd have better luck dashing his skull against the mountainside to make it crumble. Archer swallowed thickly at the sight; it was akin to staring a Beast in the face; a creature built solely for destruction, one that all but had him by the throat. He could only lay prone and watch that towering cleaver rise, ready to fall upon his head.

 _'Well. I've blundered.'_ he realized.

...better clench your teeth."

Emiya did not die well.

 **A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand there we go.**

 **I can EASILY see Naruto trying to recruit the Dark Lancer variant of Medusa. You'll know who I'm talking about if you've watched a certain movie. In this case he might well succeed, given his track record of making enemies into allies.**

 **Saber Alter fight (and subsequent recruitment) will be next chapter!**

 **In a sense, this story will be competing with my other Chaldean story "A Most Unlikely Avenger", though each story will be following a different route. I do hope you enjoyed the interlude and I look forward to reading what you all have to say once I return from work later this evening. Thank you for being patient with me and my erratic updating schedule, I'm trying to nail down a better one as we speak, but life's rearing its ugly head at the moment.**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy these previews!**

 **Small though they are~!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _"How wounded you are,"_ _Still, the Shadow Servant sneered. "W_ _hy not stay down?"_

 _...never been one to listen to a pretty face."_

 _"Is that so? Being too fresh can grate on the nerves, I suppose." slender fingers beckoned as she swayed, crooning at him. "Come here, boy. I will entangle you with my hair like the rest. Doesn't that sound nice~?"_

 _To her mild dismay, Olga watched her Servant step past her. He wasn't smiling. No, for the first time since they'd met, those ice blue eyes had lost all hint of charm. There was no rage lurking in his gaze. He wasn't angry, nor could this new emotion be called sorrow, but...just disappointment. Almost profoundly so. A clawed hand arose, brushing fresh flecks of blood from his sleeve. As she looked on he slid into a strange stance, a clenched fist extended towards the enemy, even as he braced his legs apart._

 _"Seeing really is believing these days." he gazed back at her in quiet disdain. "What a pitiful creature you've become, Lancer...or should I say Medusa? How sad."_

 _That serene visage twitched murderously. "You mock me? You'll die slowly for that."_

* * *

 _...is he...riding that Berserker?!"  
_

 _"Forward, my friend! To victory!_ _Charge!"_

 _"Have you no honor?! This is a duelareyouevenlistening?!"_

* * *

 _"EX~!"_

 _Blue eyes bulged wide._

 _"Ohfuckmesidewaysiknowthatlook-_

 _Her blade rose and descended in a single fluid movement. The blast that followed could not truly be called light in the traditional sense of the word; rather, it was the stark absence of the word. An utter bastardization of the purity that golden blade had once housed. Wrathful golden eyes blazed back at him, seething with untold fury._

 _-CALIBUR!"_

 _She dropped it in a writhing column of shadow and flame and he knew no more._

 **R &R~! **

**=D**


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